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Where should he ejaculate?

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Stephanie asks:

I'm 14 and me and boyfriend have been experimenting with oral sex lately.We talked about a blowjob and I said I don't wanna swallow his sperm or have him cum on my face. So he wants to cum on my chest(boobs). Is this pleasurable? If I don't want to to do any of those, where should he cum?

Heather Corinna replies:

First things first: with ANY new partner -- as in, someone we have not been with for six months or more, and practicing all aspects of safer sex with -- we really, truly should be using latex barriers (condoms, in this case) with fellatio.

I know, I do, that at 14, it often seems really unlikely that anyone you're dating could have a sexually transmitted infection, especially if they're the same age as you. Yet, the age group with the highest rates of STIs are teens and college-age folks. So, the truth is that your risks not only do exist, but they're mighty high.

And a lot of why is so many of you NOT practicing safer sex, right from the start, or consistently, because of the idea that it's safe not to, especially if a given person hasn't had intercourse yet.

But it's not.

Unprotected fellatio presents risks of numerous sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, and two of the most common amoung young adults, chlamydia and herpes, both of which you can wind up with in your throat. If both partners have had absolutely NO previous sexual activity, of any kind, with anyone else, then it's sound to consider sexual activity together as relatively safe when it comes to infections. But since most people aren't very honest about their sexual history, the only ways we know that, for sure, will reduce those risks is either by abstinaing from any kind of sex altogether, or by always practicing safer sex if you're going to be sexually active.

So, really, there shouldn't be an issue yet about where to ejaculate, because your boyfriend should be ejaculating into the condom he's wearing during fellatio (blow jobs) with you.

Once you've both been practucing safer sex for six months -- thats condom use, monogamy AND two full and negative STI screenings for you both -- then it's safe to talk about these issues. When that time comes, it doesn't have to boil down to swallowing sperm or someone ejaculating on you. Those are not the only options: he could also easily ejaculate into a tissue or towel that you keep beside you.

As to whether or not being ejaculated on is pleasurable, that's something that's really up to each person, with each partner. Some people do enjoy having that done, while others do not. Only you can determine if that's something you like, and that's all that counts: if you like it, okay. If you don't, that's also okay, and your partner shouldn't be ejaculating anywhere on you if you determine that's not something you like. It sounds to me like you really don't want him to ejaculate on you, period, so if you don't, you need to let him know that. A person ejaculating on their partner certainly isn't any kind of requirement.

One last thing? In many areas, it's not lawful for you to be engaging in any form of sex at the age of 14. In some states and countries, it is, and in others, it is but only if your partner is very close to you in age (often, the sexual partners of very young women are not their same age). In others still, depending on the age of consent and the specific laws of your area, and the age of your partner, it may be a criminal act on your partner's part or yours (depending on who is younger), and sometimes that's a crime that carries a really steep consequence. So, just take a look at your local laws and try and be sure you're within bounds of them: whether we agree with those laws or not, it's always wisest to mind them.

Too, just be sure you're ready for this, period. There's a lot of hype out there that only intercourse is "real" sex, but that's a big bunch of hooey. All kinds of sex, including oral sex, present physical and emotional risks that take some management and negotiation -- and about more complicated issues than just where someone is going to ejaculate -- that we're not always ready for, not at a given age, time of our lives, or with a given partner.

I'm tossing a couple extra links your way to help you out:

written 27 Sep 2007 . updated 10 Jan 2013

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