Hi, I'm 17 and I live in Asia. I have been feeling a lot of intense feelings these few days. I want to know about sex and I've tried masturbation twice, though only to the stage of ... the need to pee and the movement of muscles at my clitoris and vagina (I don't know who to describe it very accurately, I hope you understand) and a bit wet. I know we get this sexual feelings when we get older but I can't help feeling quite uneasy about it, as if I've done something wrong and I shouldn't have tried masturbation (although I've read your article about it). People around me NEVER talked about it. I don't know if it's they don't talk about it at all, or they haven't done it. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I can't concentrate on my studies (I'm a student) and I feel uneasy. I felt this kind of feelings before but not as intense as this and it didn't last this long.

What's wrong with me? What should I do?

Please I really need to know about this. As I live in Asia, there's almost no way else I'm going to get the answer. Thanks!!

I'm Asian too, and even though I was born and raised here in America, nobody ever bothered to explain sex, masturbation or anything to me, either. I had to read a lot of books and do a lot of research (and live a little) to figure it all out. You're right: Asian people tend to keep a tight lip on this subject.

You're 17, meaning you're well into puberty. While cultural norms dictate that we not act on our sexual urges till we're older, I assure you it's *totally* normal to feel and have them at age 17. And while the media and your immediate social circle may say otherwise, there are plenty of sexually-active Asian youths out there. So Asians really aren't that different from the rest of the world, even if we don't want to admit it.

So let's focus on a major point: You are normal. Everything you feel right now is normal.

But the distractions are bad. A lot of people masturbate. A lot of people feel sexually frustrated. But when it starts to interfere with your studies, your work, your social life, then YES, there is a problem and it has to be fixed.

Does that mean you have to suppress all your sexual urges? No. You just have to figure out how to vent your frustrations or relieve your sexual anxiety more constructively. For you, that can require a few different things. First of all, I think you need to adopt a healthier attitude towards your sexuality. Don't fear it. Don't be ashamed of it. Don't go crazy with it. Just accept it for what it is and embrace it as a part of how your body functions. Maintain a balance, and maintain a balanced attitude. It's good to keep a positive attitude towards your sexuality on a private and personal level; however, it is not necessary to go screaming about your sex from the rooftops and in the town square (or heaven forbid at temple!). The society around you simply isn't ready for that. Once you accept that you are a sexual being, then it is easier to let go of other people's negative attitudes towards sexuality.

Secondly, you're going to have to figure out what kind of activities (masturbation techniques) are best for you and offer you the best release. This is something you will have to figure out on your own because there is no quick one-size-fits-all recipe for masturbation. What you've described so far (the vaginal lubrication and wetness, tension and muscle contractions) are typical of human sexual response. So you are physiologically functioning okay. But you will just have to try different things until you find out your best way to relieve your sexual tension (for many people, this includes reaching orgasm, but some folks feel better even if they don't masturbate to that point).

Lastly, once you feel better about your sexuality and you've found a masturbatory method that works well for you, know how to keep it in balance with all the other aspects of your life. You won't always be able to masturbate every time you feel urges coming on, so you may want to have other outlets for relieving your frustration. For example, I find that vigorous exercise takes the edge off my libido. Other people enjoy yoga and meditation, or simply working. Sex is all a part of who we are, but we can't let it rule our lives. Make sure you keep up with your work, your family and your friends.

While we're still on this page, one more thing: You are not the only person who has these questions. I am willing to bet that even though you've never heard your peers discuss the matter, they're probably struggling with the same issues. If you and your friends are really close and trusting, maybe you can open up discussions about sexuality gradually so no one freaks out. Or you can recommend Scarleteen to your friends.