Ok so I've never actually had sex, but i have been..... Figured i guess you call it? well one day my boyfriend got pretty deep, and i started to bleed. so i talked to my best friend and she said that i technically wasn't a virgin anymore. but i asked her sister and she said that since i've never really had sex that i still am. so am i or not? i just want to know.

Dear Jess,

You are going to TOTALLY hate my answer to your question.

What concerns me is that you appear to be more into the technical question of whether you've crossed the great virginity divide, than whether the sex you are having with your boyfriend is fulfilling, fun and good.

As for the technical parts of hymens and virginity, there is no scientific definition for virginity. So both your friend and her sister are right, or wrong, depending on what you want the answer to be. You might want to read up more on virginity concepts at these links:

• 20 Questions About Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank
• Magical Cups & Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context

Each person needs to define it for him or herself. As for myself, I think you are no longer a virgin if you've given a blow job, or received one, or gone down on a girl, etc. Goes to show you how little I know! But that's because I'm far more interested in what sex means to you, in how it makes you feel about yourself, about your partner, about your relationship, and if it helps you grow and evolve as a person.

Paul
author of "Guide To Getting It On!"
if you are interested in the book:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1885535694/goofyfootpres-20