I am a virgin, and single. In my state of singularity, I have had a lot of time to think, particularly because my friends are starting to want to go all the way with their partners. My biggest fear, as is probably common, is being rejected or hurt physically, emotionally, or both. Some say that it hurts the first time you have sex, and I was wondering as to the extent of that pain, and if it continues after you have had sex for the first time?

My second question is about pubic hair. I overheard some guys talking and they were crudely exchanging notes on their preferences on that subject and it had me worried. If not au naturale then what? For that matter, are the bare basics even acceptable>? And if not how do you go about shaping things up down there?

The pain many women feel during their first attempt at sexual intercourse is the result of a physical injury. The vagina can stretch, scratch, chafe and tear during penetration. There are things you can do to reduce this problem: water-based lubricant (lots of it!), condoms, and a partner who listens to commands like Slow down!, Stop, Go, Do that some more, and Holy crap that hurts! STOP STOP STOP!. But many women don't feel pain, don't suffer any injuries, and don't even bleed the first time they have sex. Experiences will vary widely. Of course if you are one of the women who experiences discomfort the first time she has sex, be aware that discomfort can happen during the second, third, and bazillionth time you do it. Even if you didn't hurt the first time, it is entirely possible that on your 29849760290034th sexual encounter you could do something that doesn't feel so pleasant, and it could cause you pain. The gist is: pain during sex is often due to injuries, so please try to avoid injuries.

For more info about first time sex, check out First Intercourse 101

As for rejection and emotional pain, that's not a virgin's dilemma. It's universal. Everyday of your life, you will be dealing with people who might not like you, who might hurt your feelings, who might make you feel pretty lousy. Try to accept that there will be jerks in this world, and have the grace and poise to deal with them. And rejections come in all kinds: unrequited loves or letters to inform you that you won't be going to your top pick of universities. Turn the other cheek, service with a smile, and all that jazz. Even if everyone and everything else sucks, if you are a good person, then at least you can count on yourself as being one less jerk in the world.

You might want to read Safer Sex...for Your Heart to clarify some of my points, since I'm not exactly clear when I'm waxing philosophical.

As for the pubic hair, it's your hair. Honestly, to hell with what other people think. You do with it what you want, and don't take stock in the Neanderthal behavior of some random guys. If you want to consider your future partners' opinions, that's up to you. You can ask them when the time comes. Otherwise, there is no rule about how you maintain your pubic hair.