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Unprotected sex, then my period: I'm not pregnant, right?

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itsme77 asks:

About a month ago I had sex for the first time and I did it because my boyfriend said he would love me if I did. Well it happened four times and we didn't use protection at all. Well 2 days later I started my period and it was a normal 7 day period, then 2 days after I stopped I started spotting a dark brownish color. Then that stopped and then 2 days after that I spotted again and it was light. But it only lasted a day. So when should I start this month? And since I had my period 2 days after I can't be pregnant right? He broke up with me and my mom like hates me now so please help. Thanks.

Heather Corinna replies:

I'm sorry that you're having to go through this.

Looking at the timing here, and what you're describing, it does sound like you had your menstrual period, in which case no, you cannot be pregnant. Not knowing the length of your cycles, or the date of that last period, I can't tell you when to expect your period again this month. But if you are not pregnant, your period should arrive when you'd normally expect it to. Sometimes periods will stop and start like what happened with your last one, especially when you're getting towards the end of them: that doesn't mean anything is wrong. If your period doesn't show up this time when you'd expect, by all means, take a pregnancy test just to be sure. And if you just need to do that now so you can have some peace of mind, there's no reason not to.

Since you did have unprotected sex, though, please understand that pregnancy isn't your only concern. You're also going to want to schedule a full screening for sexually transmitted infections now. Statistically, more teens and young adults contract STIs than become pregnant, and most that do really didn't think they were at risk. But any time a person has unprotected genital sex, they do have substantial risks. Since most STIs are very easily treated -- but many, if not treated early, can pose some serious risks -- you'll want to get in and get tested ASAP, okay? Given how things are with your Mom, if you don't want her to know you're being tested, you can get that done on a sliding scale at a sexual health clinic like Planned Parenthood.

I do hope you know now that sex can't make someone love you if they don't already, and that anyone who demands a barter of any kind for their love isn't a person who is going to earnestly love you. It's obviously really heartbreaking to learn that the hard way like you have, but just know that in the future, the right time for you to have sex is when that's what YOU really want, and when someone has already shown you, very clearly, that they care for you, in advance of any sex. A partner who cares -- for real -- will want to be sure sex is what you both want, when you're both ready, and that it's something very likely to be emotionally and physically good for both of you. As well, a partner who cares for you will want to be sure that you're both taking as few risks as possible: a stand-up guy will at the very least, be rolling on a condom without argument.

I'm also sorry your Mom is angry with you right now, but I'm willing to bet she doesn't hate you. Give her a little time to cool off, hear whatever it is she has to say, and then if you need her support, chances are good that you can ask her for it.

Here are a few extra links for your reference:

written 24 Dec 2007 . updated 19 Jan 2009

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