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Heather Corinna replies:
Okay so me and my boyfriend had sex...we were really cautious about this and well, the condom with spermicide broke. He didn't cum and he went pee before we had sex so it killed all the precum. Should I be worried because I still haven't gotten my period..I'm like 5 days late. He said I'm not pregnant and I want to believe him but idk if I should just blow off worrying. I stress easily..and I have symptoms of PMS but could they also be early signs of pregnancy. I've had cravings, breakouts, mood swings, and I don't know if I'm ovulating. I honestly have no clue.
Can you please give me some answers, should I be worried, how much longer should I wait until I get a pregnancy test?
If your period is only five days late, it'd be pretty unusual, even if you had become pregnant, for you to be having symptoms this soon. Plus, the symptoms you're describing are also common PMS symptoms, as you said.
Since the condom was spermicidal and there wasn't a full ejaculation, your pregnancy risk would have been very low. However, since your boyfriend is not a pregnancy psychic (and if he is, send him my way: we could use his talents around here with all these pregnancy scares!), the only way to be sure -- and it sounds like you need to -- is to take a pregnancy test. Given your period is late, you can do that now -- for future reference, you can take a test as soon as your period is late -- and I'd suggest that you do, if for nothing else than to restore your peace of mind.
You might also want to point out to your boyfriend that he really can't know if you become pregnant with any risk, and that since you're the one who would wind up being pregnant, not him, it's really in poor form on his part to dismiss or deny your concerns.
Too, you will have had a big STI risk with a condom breaking, so do be sure that on the next month, you and your boyfriend are each having a full STI test. Each of you should be doing that every year, and if you've recently both had screens and are monogamous, there's no need this time, but if you have not, now is the time to hop on that.
I just want to also clarify a few things for you so that you know the scoop.
Urine doesn't kill sperm. In other words, it's not a spermicide. What happens when a man urinates to flush out pre-ejaculate fluid is that it usually washes away that fluid. In other words, it doesn't kill any traces of sperm, it clears them away. However, men don't just pre-ejaculate once, but often more than once during arousal, so it's never wise to count on urine doing that job for us.
Too, I want to be sure you're using condoms properly, since when you are, it's very uncommon for them to break. You should be using condoms with lubricant from a bottle -- not just the scanty amount of lube on lubed condoms. Your boyfriend will put a couple drops inside the tip of the condom before he puts it on, then coat the outside of the condom more generously with lube after he rolls it down. During intercourse, if things start to feel drier, you'll want to just add a bit more lube unto your vulva or on the condom he's wearing. Since it broke before he ejaculated, if you were not using lubricant, that was the likely reason why. As well, he needs to make sure he's always leaving room in the tip of the condom when he is putting it on, and that he is using good-quality condoms which have been stored properly (as in, not in a pocket or wallet for a long time, or in a car dashboard), and which are not past the expiry date, which is printed on every condom package.
You should also be aware that should you ever have a condom failure again, that you can obtain and use emergency contraception within 120 hours of your risk, to give you good pregnancy prevention after the fact. If you're under 18, you cannot get it over the counter in some locations, but in that case, you can get a prescription from your regular doctor, your gynecologist, any sexual health clinic, and even the emergency room.
Sounds, too, like you want to be able to understand your fertility cycle better. Good onya! You won't be ovulating right before or when your period is due: a period happens, because the egg which was released earlier in your cycle (during ovulation), was not fertilized. When ovulation occurs differs from woman to woman, but on average, for most women, it usually happens around the middle or just before the middle of each menstrual cycle.
Here's some more information for you on all the issues we touched on here: