I was wondering, if it was possible, if you could reply to me by the soonest time, because I really need to know this. Is there ANYTHING I can do to stop the first time I have sex being really painful? I'm fourteen, and my 22 year old boyfriend really wants to have sex. I have said yes, after we talked about it, and I think I am ready, but I want it to be perfect, not painful! Is there anything at all I can do to stop the pain? I am seeing him this Sunday, and that's when we are going to have sex.

Whoah Nellie! Hurry up and wait, honey! For starters, your 22-year-old boyfriend could get put in jail for having intercourse with you. Are you aware of that? That's a pretty big risk for you both, so you'd better stop and think about it....seriously.

I'm going to be blunt: when I get panic-button letters like this -- GodhurryMizScarlet... becausetheworldwillend... ifIevenslowdowntobreathe -- it puts all my sensors on red. Intercourse shouldn't be an emergency. If something can't wait a day, or a couple years, until you get your shit together, and until you KNOW -- not think -- that you're ready, something is wrong. And even if it is legal for you and this guy to be having sex -- and unless you're in Spain or the netherlands, it probably isn't -- at 22, he should know all about not rushing it and not making sex a must-do-now for someone so young. If he isn't talking to you about not putting a rush on things, and isn't telling you there is ALL the time in the world to get to sex, at your own pace, without a big hurry, chances are unfortunately good that he's taking advantage of your age and lack of life experience to get what he wants, for his benefit.

He also will know that first-time sex is usually everything BUT perfect, and if he didn't tell you that, again, you've got someone who's probably playing you.

There is plenty you can do to stop sex from being painful in most cases, and the first thing is not to rush it, to wait until you and your body are ready and to just calm the hell down. What you've got right now is a recipe for pain and suferring to a T -- not just physical pain, but the kind that could haunt you both for eons. Check out our readiness checklist: it's what I'd prescribe for all your symptoms right now. I'm guessing you won't check a lot of things on there, so in the interim, while you get to the point where you ARE ready, you can explore your own body, talk about safer sex and birth control, talk about what feels good for you and doesn't, get sexual healthcare (and he can get current with his sexual healthcare tests, too), engage in other activities that are less risky and more rudimentary, as well as taking a good, hard look at the law before you two get anywhere near a bed.

Sex isn't ever perfect, it's a human function, and nothing human is perfect, but we can make things better rather than worse by paying attention to obvious warning signs. The best we can do is to simply do what it perfect for us -- with a real look at what is, realistically -- and those around us. Sit down, calm down, breathe a little and really think about it.