Quick Hits: Yet More Kinds of No
Robin Mandell replies:
I was wondering, can a doctor tell if you've masturbated? And in the case they can, is it possible to mistake it for being sexually active? I'm asking because I have a lot of health problems and I have to see an OB/GYN soon, which means that there's a chance the doctor will check to see if my vagina looks right. And I'm really scared because I don't want them to think that I'm sexually active, which with my health, would probably cause them to talk to my parents. And I'm just to shy to stick up for myself, so I really don't want that to happen. Thanks in advance for your answer.
It is not possible for a gynecologist to tell if someone has been sexually active, either with themselves or with a partner through an examination. The only exception might be if you were examined shortly after masturbating; the doctor might notice redness or irritation of the vulvar tissues, but even then they would not be able to positively attribute that to masturbation. A doctor can tell by looking at someone's vulva if their hymen has or hasn't started wearing away, but that happens with or without any kind of sexual activity, including masturbation. A doctor often can also tell if and when someone has recently been sexually assaulted, particularly if that assault resulted in genital injuries.
The only way a doctor would know for sure that you've masturbated or been with a partner is if you told them.
In many areas -- and most if you're in the United States, Canada or the United Kingdom -- your sexual health information is legally protected as private, and cannot be shared with your parents unless you give a healthcare provider permission to do so, or they feel your life or health is in real danger.
As with the questions in this article,all the questions here share one simple answer: no. None of these no's is particularly complicated, and they can be answered in one of our articles or previously published advice columns, so it seemed silly to devote a separate page to each.
So here I present to you a series of no's.
Trust me I know exactly how ridiculous this question is going to sound but if only you knew the amount of stress I've had over it. About a week ago me and my girlfriend were "somewhat" dry humping. The reason I say somewhat is because I did not have any pants or underwear on and my penis was exposed. However she had shorts on, panties, and a panty liner. I know I did have a small amount of pre-ejaculate, maybe a few drops, could that soak through her clothes and get her pregnant? She said she was on birth control but I don't know for how long, so yeah, I know how stupid the question is but it was something that I regret horribly putting myself and her through it. Note that she was on top and rubbing against me but I don't know for sure if my head actually touched directly where her vagina would be, but this is just in case. Please no insults.
No, it's not possible for pregnancy to occur when at least one person is dressed like you're describing. Take a look at all the factors and processes required for pregnancy to occur. You can see that a situation like this doesn't pose a risk of pregnancy.
And we don't insult people here for asking questions: we're here to answer your questions.
I keep hearing and reading people complaining that they're too dry. Well, I have the opposite problem: I'm too wet! No matter how many times I masturbate in a day or what time of the month it is, I'm always, well, overflowing! It's rather annoying, I'd like to not have to place multiple towels underneath me and STILL soak through them. Is there anything I can do to "dry" myself up a bit, so to speak? Thanks!
No. There's not really anything you can do, especially if you've already checked in with a healthcare provider to be sure that your discharges aren't due to an infection: some infections, like bacterial vaginosis, or Chlamydia, do cause extra discharge. So, if you haven't checked in with a healthcare provider yet, that's the next step to take. If you have and they didn't find anything wrong, you can be sure nothing is, and that this is likely just a normal variation.
If it's helpful or comforting to know this, I've had a friend or two who told me that they always secreted lots of discharge. These women were in good health, and got used to laughing off the occasional messiness this entailed.
If you know this isn't about an infection, then just going with the flow (no pun intended, I promise!) is your best option.
To give you a sense of what is healthy versus what is unhealthy discharge, you can take a look at:
Honorably Discharged: A Guide to Vaginal Secretions.
Savvy freaking Mae asks:
I'm 13 and a virgin. The farthest I've gone Is making out and feeling up. I have sexual urges but I'm too afraid too fufill them. And I'm not allowed to date so I don't know when or where I could. I'm also afraid to have my boyfriend pop my cherry because I think he'll freak if I bleed on him. Should I do it myself?
No, but only because there's nothing to pop in the first place. Some people do bleed with entry to the vagina -- be that with a finger, penis, or toy, and be that with a first time or a 301st time -- but a lot of people don't. And when people do, it's usually got nothing to do with cherries, or even hymens, but instead is most likely about engaging in sexual activity in too much of a hurry, with a partner (or your own hands) being too aggressive or hasty, not being aroused or relaxed enough, or not using lubricant as needed.
Contrary to popular historical discourse, the hymen is just a thin membrane usually just covering part of the vaginal opening, and it often wears away to at least some degree before people ever engage in partnered sexual activities. Here are the facts: My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known As The Hymen and the Myths that Surround It.
Of course, if you want to explore your own body, that's a fabulous thing as it allows you to get to know yourself, and also to learn what kinds of touch and sensations you do and don't enjoy.
Reading about people's questions about and experiences with masturbation might help you feel more comfortable with the idea, and with your body in general.
You're voicing a worry that your body would freak your boyfriend out. How about giving him a chance to tell you what he thinks and how he feels? Could be he's a good deal more comfortable with the idea of intercourse, and all it's accompanying (or possibly accompanying) fluids than you think he is. If he's not, you could always share the information I've given you here with him. And if he's not, and he's also your age? That wouldn't be so surprising: most young teens don't really feel ready for a lot of what sex with a partner involves, including being very comfortable with other people's genitals yet. There are plenty of good reasons to take getting sexually active slow, and making sure everyone involved really is at the point of their lives where they feel pretty comfy with all this stuff is one of them.
Need help figuring out how to start this kind of conversation with him? Check out Be a Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats, and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
victor von dricten asks:
That's not going to be safe at all. If you want to engage in any kind of anal sex with a toy or object, at a minimum, that object needs to have a flared or large base so that there's no risk of it winding up inside your anus completely.
In this case, the adage that what goes in must come out does not generally apply.
While it's certainly possible that it will come out, it's more likely that it won't, or that there may be some painful damage to rectal or anal tissues, and that a trip to the emergency room will be necessary to fish that marble out.
There are, however, plenty of safe ways to give oneself, or a partner, pleasure through anal stimulation. Here's a brief lowdown on anal sex and play.
My boyfriend's favorite position is penetration from behind (vaginally). When we tried it, (his first time in this position with me as well as my first time in this position) he couldn't penetrate me and I completely "dried up". Is there a way to make this more comfortable without lube?
Lube would be the number one thing we'd recommend in this situation as well as experimenting with different positions, making sure both of you are feeling aroused and relaxed about engaging in intercourse, and that intercourse is what both of you want at that very moment.
When something hurts in sex, it generally means that an adjustment needs to be made in how both partners are doing things. So, while this may be your boyfriend's favourite position, it may be that you'll need to try some different positions to figure out what's right for your body, and what you like and enjoy.
Here are some more articles with some ideas to try:
- First Intercourse 101
- From Ow, To Wow: Demystifying Painful Intercourse
- Lubricant (Not Diamonds) Is a Girl's best friend
Hello! My partner and I are having vaginal intercourse, and our method of contraception is condoms. We lube well, and after sex, remove the condom correctly. The question I have is, after sex, does checking the condom by emptying out the semen and filling it with water make sense? I know most condom breaks will be quite large ones, but is this a feasible way of checking for breaks?
Because it's just not necessary to check for breaks. When a condom breaks, it doesn't typically just spring a leak but instead shreds or splits.
So long as a condom has been stored away from sharp objects (that is, don't store a loose condom in your bedside table next to a pair of scissors), and the box of condoms was not initially tampered with (this will be obvious when you purchase it), it's safe to trust that there are no pinprick holes that wouldn't be obvious to the naked eye. Here's some more information about condom use and care:
Condom Basics: A User's Manual
My period has always had a reddish colour and it has always been regular (I am 18 and my period first came when I was 11). But recently (last month and this month) I have a dark brown period with little red in it, and it comes a week later than it is supposed to. I am not on the pill, I'm a virgin, I haven't engaged in any kind of "sexual activity" without protection and I suffer from no STDs/STIs that I am aware of. I have no other symptoms other than this big change in colour in my period. Should I be concerned? This has never happened to me before.
This is likely nothing to be concerned about, particularly if what you know about your STI status is knowledge that comes from being tested. If you haven't been, and have been sexually active -- including using condoms or other barriers -- then starting that testing is important whether or not you're having any symptoms.
If you have been tested, and know you don't have any infections or health conditions at the root of this, then figure you're fine. You will likely find, over the months and years that you have your period, that sometimes it comes earlier, sometimes it comes later, sometimes it's lighter, sometimes it's heavier, and sometimes it'll just look different or feel different from how it usually looks or feels.
Contrary to what many of us have been led to believe, menstrual cycles most often do not tend to stay the same through our lives, or even for months or years at a time. Many things can lead to menstrual changes-- altered sleep patterns, changes in your body on the whole, age and dietary choices, to name a few.
While this article's focus is on missed or late periods, I think you'll find it helpful in understanding just how many factors really have an impact on menstruation.
M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?
Is masturbating a good way to find out how long I will last while having sex with a woman?
How long you will last (by which I think you mean how long you will sustain an erection before orgasm) during partnered sex has a lot more to do with how you're feeling on that particular day, what you and your partner do together, and other factors than on your experiences masturbating. Many people find that masturbating is a very different experience from having partnered sex.
What masturbation can give you is a sense of the kinds of sexual sensations your body enjoys, which is for sure something you will be able to bring to your experiences with a partner.
I don't feel any pleasure when me and my boyfriend have sex. The first time i lost my virginity to him I was 15. I didn't feel anything but tightness and as he would go deeper I would feel as if he was pushing something. Every time we have sex I don't seem to feel pleasure. Is there something wrong with me?
No. We can be pretty certain nothing is wrong with you.
Many people with vulvas/vaginas do not experience pleasure from vaginal intercourse alone. This generally has to do with your anatomy. If you're not only not experiencing pleasure, but are experiencing pain, discomfort, or both, that's a pretty clear sign from your body that something isn't quite working for you with the sexual activities you're engaging in right now.
In turn, that's a sign that it's time to take a break from the things that are uncomfortable and focus more on the things you do enjoy.
For some more thoughts on why intercourse may not be pleasurable for you, and some ways to increase your enjoyment of partnered sexual activities in general, you might want to check out Yield For Pleasure
If you are still feeling concerned or unsure after trying different things, or if you need some reassurance, you can opt to see a healthcare provider if you have one, or to go to a sexual health clinic if you do not. Since you're engaging in sexual activity, it's a good time to get your sexual healthcare started anyway. If you've never visited a sexual healthcare provider, you might find this helpful: Your First Gynecologist Visit.
Me and my friend have just started with the dry humping. She really likes it but its really painful for me to keep that on for more time. One day I came while doing that but in my boxers
but then my dick was hurting the next day. Is it normal for it to hurt? Should I go on with this?
No, and no.
The pain you were experiencing may well have been from this activity putting more pressure on your penis than your body likes or finds comfortable. There are a lot of blood vessels and nerve endings in the penis and surrounding area which can just as easily send pain signals when something doesn't feel good as pleasure signals when something does. It may also be that the friction from your clothing was irritating the tender tissue of your genitals, which can certainly happen, especially when dry humping for an extended period of time.
We never have to continue doing an activity we find uncomfortable, and, in fact, it's advisable to stop engaging in activities that give us pain or discomfort as that is our body's way of saying: "Hey! Something's wrong here!"
What you may find helpful is to experiment with your partner and find activities and ways of doing those activities that are pleasurable for both of you. If you two take time to talk together about what does and doesn't feel good for each of you, and experiment from there, you can probably come up with ways to be sexual together that feel good for both of you.
Since I was 14-15, I have been using a decent sized dildo/vibrator to pleasure myself. I've always been concerned with it affecting my future sex life. I know it has made more "loose,"but will it harm my sexual relationships? Also, when I loose my virginity will it make it less pleasurable? I feel like I ruined the experience for myself. please help?
No, you did nothing to harm yourself or negatively impact your future sexual experiences whether alone or with a partner. Plus, the vagina is a muscle, so it doesn't actually get looser with
sexual activity; if anything, it, like any other muscle in the body, probably becomes stronger with activity.
What you may be feeling has gotten looser is the opening of your vagina. Some people find that that can stretch over time, or, and more commonly, that as you become more relaxed and comfortable with vaginal entry, your muscles are more relaxed so you don't feel the kind of "tightness' you may have felt initially when this activity was new to you. This isn't a bad thing. It's how the body is designed to function. And alone or with a partner, feeling tightness of your vagina due to lack of comfort or relaxation is rarely, if ever, going to feel great to you.
This idea that a single sexual activity -- intercourse is the most frequent victim of this thinking -- is the be-all-and-end-all of sexual activities is, if not a myth, a very rare thing. All sexual activities are created equal in the big picture, and which ones a given person or group of people will find most pleasurable has more to do with their personality, body and unique sexuality than with the activity's cultural significance.
For more information, check out: Innies and Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More and 20 Questions About Virginity.
Can all women "squirt?" My boyfriend tries to make me orgasm like that and it seams like I can't orgasm at all just have a climax through my clit.. not only is this disappointing for him but for me too! I try to relax I let my mind go I do everything different techniques. I do exercises with my vagina muscles ( I forgot what they where really called) to strengthen them to squirt. Nothing works.. I'm worried there's something wrong:( Help, please.. I don't know what else to do to orgasm.
No, it doesn't sound, from what you describe, as if there's anything wrong with you. And, from what you're saying, you may already be experiencing orgasm, just not in the way you think you're supposed to.
A person's experience of arousal and orgasm can vary greatly from that of other people, and also vary over time.
The muscles you're talking about are the pelvic muscles, or, more scientifically pubococcygeus (often called PC) muscles. Exercising them can be valuable for over all pelvic health, and many people do find that having stronger PC muscles contributes to their experience of sexual pleasure. However, those muscles are probably toned already for you if you';re a young person, and a young person who hasn't recently been pregnant and gone through delivery.
It sounds like what's going on here is that you're experiencing plenty of pleasure from your sexual activity, but that both you and your partner are expecting things from your body that it really can't do, or isn't doing right now, and as a result are ignoring the pleasure you both do enjoy.
Ejaculation is not a circus trick. It's something that some bodies do, and some don't. You can read here for the facts: squirt: On Female Ejaculation.
It sounds like both you and your partner would benefit from adjusting your expectations, so I'd suggest showing this material to him as well.
I haven't started having my periods yet. Is there any way of finding out when I'll start having periods before it happens.
There are lots of changes that happen in the body before one starts getting periods, but most of them aren't ones that we can pick up on, or use to predict exactly when periods will start.
Here's the scoop on puberty: Not Everything You Wanted to Know About Puberty (but pretty darn close). I hope this helps you have a little more context for what is going on with your body.
I am sixteen, I just lost my virginity, to my boyfriend who has plenty of sexual partners. The thing is, he says he's never had a girl who doesn't cum, is there something wrong with me?
You see, when we have sex any kind, oral, or just regular sex it feels great! At points my legs shake and I feel as if I can't go no more but I've never came.. not once and on top of that he thinks I should ask my doctor about a noise the my vagina makes when he's eating me out. It's like a farting noise, and I've already looked it up and saw that it's totally normal while having sex but no one seems to say anything about it happening while being eat out. In fact, my boyfriend said he looked it up and it could mean I need surgery. Is this true?
No, and no.
Were we to be able to sit down and have a conversation about this, I would ask you what you think an orgasm is supposed to be like and feel like. Everyone experiences pleasure and orgasm differently, and people's expectations can often be unrealistic. It's not fair, for example, for your boyfriend to compare you and your unique experiences to his previous partners. It's also not sound for him to tell you when you have and haven't reached orgasm: unless he's The Orgasm Whisperer or something, he can't possibly know that. And it also sounds like you may well already be reaching orgasm sometimes.
Take a look at just how varied people's experiences can be: Is this orgasm? and Sexual Response and Orgasm: A User's Guide
The fact that your vagina makes sounds during oral sex doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. Generally that happens because air gets into the vagina from the sexual activity, from the movement of someone's mouth or penis.
There isn't any need for surgery (or even a visit to a doctor) unless talking to a doctor and having them examine you would put your mind at ease. Your body sounds like it's functioning as it is meant to. Sounds like what needs to be addressed here isn't your body, but how your boyfriend is relating to it and talking to you about it.
I really had to use the bathroom, so I ran into the bathroom that my 10 year old brother and I share. I didn't even look before sitting down. When I sat, I felt something wet. It looked like water (completely clear and watery..literally exactly like water) and it got on the back
of my upper thigh. Right where my thigh and butt connect. It wasn't enough to run down my leg or anything though. So I wiped it off. But I have OCD and I'm freaking out thinking maybe that was semen or maybe his urine had sperm in it. And maybe when I was pulling my knickers up it transferred to my
vaginal area!? Please help! I need to control this fear.
No. It's not possible for anyone to get pregnant in the way you describe.
Furthermore, ten-year-old boys generally do not yet produce sperm. Even if your brother has already started puberty (and the majority of boys don't start until between the ages of eleven and fourteen) he is very unlikely to be at the stage of puberty where his body is producing sperm.
For pregnancy to even be a possibility, there needs to be contact between a bare penis and a bare vulva, or contact between a vulva (not any body part near the vulva, but on the vulva or in the vagina) and semen which has just been ejaculated.
Here's some information on how someone can get pregnant.
Where Did I Come From>Where Did I Come From? A Refresher Course IN Human Reproduction
During my period, can I get pregnant from not washing my hands and applying a tampon, 10 minutes after I gave my boyfriend a handjob even if my hands felt dry?
No, you can't get pregnant from this. Sperm are not like bacteria; they don't transfer from place to place without semen to do the transporting.