Pain and ripping...what the heck is going on here?
Sarah replies:I am curious as to what can cause the vaginal opening to shrink or get tighter than usual. I have always been tight, but its never been this tight or hurt this bad during intercourse. My fiancee and I thought I may be too dry, but even when I am super wet I still hurt and he's even ripped me down there. Is this normal? I have only heard of this from one other person and she was pregnant. Please help!
Have you seen your health care provider about this problem yet? If not, then that's the very first place to go. You need to get checked out and make sure that everything physically is alright with you right now. You should also make sure that you tell your health care provider specifically that you are having pain, bleeding, and tightness during vaginal penetration. If you haven't had a full STI screening lately, this would be a good time for that as well.
Once you've ruled out any possible infection or other problem, the next question is whether you are really into sex when you are trying to have intercourse? When a person with a vagina is aroused, the vagina loosens and opens to allow for comfortable penetration. So if you are attempting intercourse before you are really ready or when you're not really into it, that could be the reason for the discomfort. Anxieties about pregnancy, STIs, relationships, or just about anything else can make it difficult to relax and really be "in the moment." If you are having worries like that, then work on those issues before you become sexually active with your partner.
Also, are you using extra, condom-safe (preferably water-based) lubrication? Dryness can also contribute to discomfort as well, and often one's own lubrication is just not enough. During certain parts of a the menstrual cycle some people with vaginas have trouble producing enough lubrication. Also, natural lubrication does not hold up well to friction when latex is involved, so you should definitely be using extra lube with your condoms.
Tightness and ripping during intercourse is not normal nor is it a good thing. So until you get this worked out, the very best thing to do is to avoid vaginal intercourse. Ripping is something that should just not be happening, period. And continuing an activity when you're having pain and injury is just never a good idea. It just puts unnecessary stress on you that may be further aggravating the situation (in other words, you're expecting pain which causes you to tense up even more). So step back for a while. If you and your partner want to be sexually active, then you can engage in other activities that are mutually enjoyable until you get this sorted out.
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