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No pleasure

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anonymous asks:

I have been sexually active for almost 2 years now. I get little to no pleasure out of sex, except for a few times. I can't have an orgasm either, I've tried all kinds of things and nothing seems to work. Is their something wrong with me? Any suggestions?

Heather Corinna replies:

It's very unlikely anything is wrong with you: younger people almost never have physiological/physical barriers to orgasm. Usually, when a younger person isn't reaching orgasm, it's either psychological or it's about just not getting what a person needs to get there.

I'd like you to take a look at some of the following articles, for starters:

I think the information in those pieces might help you to better understand how orgasm happens (and how very much high arousal is key to it happening), how intercourse or vaginal entry alone isn't likely to be the ticket, and what sort of things you can do to reach orgasm and also enjoy the sex you're having more in the first place, which is vital to orgasm and important regardless.

Ultimately? Until you get some pleasure out of the sex you're having, or out of masturbation, orgasm just isn't very likely to occur. So, one place you might start is to stop engaging in sex you just don't enjoy. That might mean telling your partner when something isn't compelling or arousing for you, telling them what IS or you think MIGHT be, and/or making doubly sure you're really aroused before you even start having any sort of sex. It may mean being sure you're with a partner who is invested in pleasure for both of you when you have sex with them, not just their own. Or, it may mean taking a break from any kind of sex with a partner until you can ably communicate that, and/or they're willing to be responsive to both of your needs, and instead, focusing on masturbation all by yourself.

But whether you're going it alone or having sex with a partner, it's got to be about pleasure. Are you actually interested in sex -- alone, and/or with others? In other words, are you engaging in sex because you WANT to, and it feels good, or because you feel like you have to, or that if you don't, you're not normal? Having sex for the right reasons -- because it feels good, because you want to explore your body, because you feel aroused, because you want to feel close to someone else, all of these things -- isn't just important in terms of getting to orgasm, but for your general well-being.

written 09 Jun 2007 . updated 29 Jan 2014

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