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No pill, no condom, and now, no period.

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Anonymous asks:

I typically start my period at the end of a month and then it continues to lead into the next month. Last month, I ended on the 4th and then had another period in that same month on the 21st-26th. This month, I have yet to have a period. My periods are a little irregular seeing as there have been a few months where I have technically had 2.. but I'm starting to get worried about my late or missed period for this month. I have been sexually active with my boyfriend for over 2 years and for about a year, we haven't used a condom and I'm not on the pill. My boyfriend never actually ejaculates in me, so I was wondering what the chances are of being pregnant from pre-cum alone, and what the chances would be if he hadn't recently ejaculated before intercourse.
As of now, I'm about 5 days late for my period and I have some brown spotting that you typically see at the end of a period, however, I don't feel as though I'm going to start like I usually do. I've had some pains here and there but nothing else. All I'm getting is this brown spotting.

Heather Corinna replies:

You've been having unprotected sex.

That means you have been at risk of pregnancy and well as sexually transmitted infections.

The pregnancy risk is moderate to high, depending on your fertility, and your partner's sexual habits (as in, if he has ejaculated recently before unprotected intercourse with you, and/or if he really is withdrawing completely before ANY ejaculation).

If you do NOT wish to become pregnant, then you have GOT to either start using a truly reliable birth control method -- withdrawal isn't it, especially for younger people -- or hold off on sex until you can. If you do NOT wish to contract an infection, you have got to start practicing safer sex, or hold off on sex until you can.

Lucky for you, just using condoms takes care of BOTH these things very well, very cheaply, and very easily. If your partner refuses to use condoms, the only safe and smart thing I can encourage you to do is to refuse to have sex with him. Luck runs out eventually: it always does. Up until now, you've gotten lucky, but pregnancy and infection just aren't things to gamble with. In addition, it's usually pretty hard to even enjoy sex when you're knowing the whole time that you're taking big risks you aren't prepared to manage, or just don't want to deal with. Until you WANT to become pregnant, it's just always a bad idea with a lot of negative consequences and effects to have sex without using reliable birth control methods, every single time.

If all you're seeing is light spotting, then it's time for a pregnancy test. Since you've been having unprotected sex, I'd also suggest you see your general doctor, gynecologist or sexual health clinic for a full STI (sexually transmitted infection) screening, too, now (your partner also needs one each year: not just you). If you can get in right away, you can even get a pregnancy test during that visit, too. Please don't ditch that sexual health exam and screening: some STIs do cause some spotting or unusual bleeding, so I'm doubly concerned in case you're not just having shorter cycles (which is normal), but instead, spotting or bleeding between cycles.

If money is an issue in terms of condoms, other birth control or sexual healthcare, please understand that many sexual health clinics offer sliding scale fees, and that many states and regions also have programs to cover the costs of sexual healthcare and birth control for those of us who are low-income. If you want to find out about those options, you can either call your local Planned Parenthood, or just look up women's healthcare or sexual healthcare in your local phonebook and call a local clinic to ask: they're happy to help.

Here are some links for you to look over, including how to practice safer sex, assess a pregnancy risk, birth control methods available as well as a couple other bits. I hope they're helpful to you, and I also hope that you and yours -- for your own health, well-being and pace of mind -- will start developing some smarter, saner habits.

written 26 Jul 2007 . updated 27 Jan 2014

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