Skip to main content

No bleeding with intercourse and changes to my vagina have him making false accusations.

Share |
Anonymous asks:

I was a virgin when I got married at 26 years our first sex experience was very disappointing. I did not bleed as I thought would have happen it was not painful and I also taught and my husband became very curious about this (if I was truly a virgin). Since then I noticed that my vagina has gotten bitter and my husband also noticed this. It has created problems in the marriage as he thinks that I am sleeping with other men with larger penises than his. I am very frustrated as I have never had sex with anyone but him.

Heather Corinna replies:

Not all women bleed with first intercourse.

Given your age at the time of your first intercourse, it would have been even less common for you to do so since by 26, it would have been more common for most of your hymen to have mostly eroded by then -- simply due to basic development, your own hormones, menstruation and general physical activity -- and you likely also weren't as nervous or tense as a younger woman might have been. Sometimes bleeding with intercourse isn't about the hymen at all, but about fear, anxiety and lack of sexual arousal.

Too, it shouldn't be a disappointment not to bleed during intercourse. While it happens sometimes, and it's not a big tragedy, the ideal is NOT to bleed rather than TO bleed.

In terms of the "bitterness" of your vagina, if you and your husband have been having sex where he ejaculates inside you frequently, understand that semen alone changes the natural balance of the vagina. That doesn't happen in any permanent way -- as in, someone ejaculates in you once and the scent, flavor or consistency of your vaginal discharges is changed ever after -- but it does take a few days for the vagina to clean itself out. So if, for example, you have intercourse with him Tuesday, then oral sex for you Thursday, any bitterness he is tasting is very likely his own semen, and how the vagina tastes when semen has recently been inside of it.

But too, sometimes we just get vaginal imbalances or changes due to stress, normal bacteria, changes in our natural fertility cycle, the works. As well, the vagina can develop infections of it's own -- namely yeast or bacterial infections -- which can occur when no sex has happened at all. So, if you've also noticed any changes in your discharge or general health, it's always a good idea -- just for your health -- to be sure you're up-to-date with your yearly gynecological exams.

I'd suggest you share this information with your husband. Sounds to me like he is just generally very ignorant about female bodies, and maybe that's why he's having issues. however, if finding out facts doesn't change his behavior, or he refuses to believe facts, rather than his own paranoia, or if these problems have resulted in any sort of emotional or physical abuse, then the best advice I can give you is to re-evaluate being married to him. Even if the problems you're having aren't resulting in abuse, you NEED trust in a marriage or long-term relationship. If he's going to leap to mistrusting you without even doing some simple homework -- after all, he could have found the answers to these issues as easily as you have -- and make false accusations about you based on his own insecurities or ignorance, then you're not very likely to have a marriage that is of any quality or which is emotionally healthy for you.

I don't know you, your husband, or what your relationship has been like. I also don't know where you're from, so I can't know what your cultural situation is in terms of why you're married, if you were under any pressure to marry, or if you live in a culture or community where separation, divorce or mediation are acceptable or encouraged. But if you feel a fact-based conversation about these issues will be helpful, I would obviously suggest you try that first so long as he is otherwise treating you with care and respect. It also sounds like if couples counseling is available where you are, that it would be a very good idea. If you don't feel a realistic discussion will be helpful, or if the way he is behaving about this is similar to how he behaves in general, then again, the best advice I can give you is to separate so that you can have a life and potentially other partnership in the future where someone thinks first and tosses around accusations second.

Here are some extra links for you with the factual information I've given you the short version of. You may want to print it out to share it with your husband, or for your own reference. If you want support for the information, you can also reference any basic, up-to-date text on female sexual anatomy.

written 20 Jan 2008 . updated 22 Jan 2014

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.