Skip to main content

My GF was fingered by her ex without her consent; Is she still a virgin?

Share |
Anonymous asks:

Yeah, so I'm a guy and I actally need some info. Its probably pretty weird, but I really need some info on my gf. I am a religious person and very straight-edge; I abstain from pre-maritial sex and alcohol and whatnot. A while back my girlfriend told me that she had an ex-boyfriend that fingered her w/o her consent. She tried to give him a second chance, but he did it again, so she stayed away from him. She was too afraid to tell him that hat he did was not ok with her. She is very upright too and was crying and everthing else when telling me this. I have no knowledge about female sex stuff, but is she still a virgin? It really upsets her to talk about it, so I dont like doing it, but would she have felt the same way she did as if she were having sex? Does that mak her a virgin or not

Hollie replies:

Virginity is a pretty broad concept. Going by the dictionary, a virgin is someone who has not had intercourse.

Per your girlfriend, since it was not intercourse, many people would say that she is still a virgin.

What other people think of your girlfriends virginity is irrelevant though. Does your girlfriend still consider herself a virgin? Do you consider her to be a virgin? Why does it matter if she's still a virgin or not?

A partner's past history of sexual assault and whether or not she's still a virgin should have NO bearing on whether or not this is someone you want to build a longterm relationship with. That's pretty cruel. I know some people prefer to be with someone who has not had any sexual activity with anyone else in the past, but your girlfriend didn't choose that. That choice was taken from her, and it's not her fault.

Just try to support her as best you can. Listen when she wants to talk about it. If she's still having trouble dealing with this, you may want to suggest counseling, and offer to go with her if she wants you there.

Check it out;

20 Questions About Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank
Dealing With Rape
Magical Cups & Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context

written 08 Jan 2008 . updated 20 Jan 2009

More like This

Just last Tuesday, right down the street from you, or perhaps even right where you live, two teenagers had sex for the very first time, and it was exactly as we all wish those first experiences to...

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.