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My boyfriend said I orgasmed: did I?

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Shelby asks:

When my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time he said that I orgasmed and came. I don't remember any part of it do to a memory relapse. He said it was kinda dry and then all of a sudden it got really wet, how can I be sure if I actually had and orgasm. Is that normal when women have orgasms that they come also?

Heather Corinna replies:

Your partner has no way of knowing for sure that you've had an orgasm if you're female. None, save you telling them so. Sometimes, if your partners have their hands, mouths or genitals inside ours or right on them, they can feel some uterine and vaginal muscle contractions when we have a strong orgasm, but those can be felt sometimes without orgasm, too. (And sometimes, even when we do orgasm, they won't feel it at all.)

Some women do ejaculate: it's less common than those who don't, but even when it happens, it can happen before orgasm, after orgasm, or odd as it seems, even without orgasm at all.

What's more normal is the vagina simply producing its own lubrication when we're sexually aroused, but that isn't linked to orgasm, just to arousal.

I'm not sure I understand why you have no memory of having sex, though, or that experience for you. Suffice it to say, you should only be having sex with someone when you're fully present and able to know and remember what's going on.

And when you do -- or when you masturbate on your own -- when you reach orgasm, you really will likely know. While the feeling of orgasm can vary a lot -- some days/times they're really mild, while other times they're head-swimmy, knees-weak, super-squealy intense, and often are somewhere in between -- you'll still know when you're experiencing one, so long as your expectations of orgasm are realistic.

Here's some extra reading for you:

written 15 Jul 2007 . updated 20 Dec 2012

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