Hey, I'm a college student. I've never had sex (of any kind) with anyone else, but I started masturbating a few years ago, mostly in bed right before I go to sleep. I generally have a very hard time getting my brain to turn off at night, and I've found that masturbating is often the only way I can manage to get to sleep easily at night. When I'm on my own, this is fine, but during the school year, I have a roommate.

Last year (and I'm not proud of this), I masturbated after we both went to bed, mostly because I'm very quiet about it and was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to tell. Next year, though, our room is such that we're going to have to bunk our beds. Most likely I'll be on top. It strikes me as downright rude to masturbate in that particular arrangement, and I really wouldn't want to do it if she could detect it. On the other hand, during the school year, I usually don't get enough sleep anyway. Without masturbating, it usually takes me at least 45 minutes to get to sleep, often more, and that can really cut into my sleep time as a whole.

Do you have any advice on how I could break the habit or get around it? Is there something else I can do?

Dear Cactus,

First, for the sake of male and female readers who are wondering "How in the heck will I do it when I go away to college," I've included my answer to the subject of masturbating when you share a dorm room. This was originally in my column in the Boulder Weekly for their "Back to school" issue. Boulder is home to the University of Colorado Buffaloes, and Williams Village and Kittredge as mentioned below are large dorms at CU:

Masturbation when you share a room is usually easier for females, unless you are the kind of girl who can't get there without firing up a 30-amp vibrator or humping her teddy bear until his stuffing starts to explode. A guy, on the other hand, has to wait until his roommate is making sleeping noises. This is not as easy as it sounds, since his roommate is probably waiting for him to make sleeping noises as well. (The finger might not be mightier than the fist, but it is quieter.)

Students also tend to masturbate when their roommate is at class. Since people usually find it more embarrassing to be walked in on while they are masturbating than when they are having sex with a partner, it is good form knock and fumble for a moment with your keys if you are coming back to your room early.

As for what boy Buffaloes do with the sticky stuff once the deed is done, we once did a survey. It seems that the shower drains in Williams Village and Kittredge are no stranger to copious amounts of CU guy-splooge. Tissues and toilet paper remain the usual standbys for terminating the flying wad, although socks were a strong contender.

If you are new to shower wanking, it's better to use hair conditioner for lube than soap, although when the conditioner claims that it adds volume or thickness, I don't think that leaving it on your penis is what they had in mind.

Now--for your specific worry:

You seem to have the idea that it is impolite to do the very same thing that at least half of the people in your dorm are doing--and probably need to do as part of getting their brains to turn off. Seriously, you are not the one and only! As long as you aren't screaming on the top of your lungs, it's perfectly fine, and the chances are good that your roommate is doing the same thing.

As for breaking the habit, masturbation is most likely nature's gift to keep us from losing our sanity. Far from trying to stop, why not view it as a wonderful and totally natural, drug-free way to make the transition from wakefulness to sleep?