Its a curious guy here. i just happen to have time with my girlfriend recently at our houses. however when we tried to have sex, i realize that i could not penetrate into her. I could not even insert it into her. In the end, my penis look kinda swollen and pain was experienced. Is there a problem? I have also realized that the look of my penis is kinda different from those that i came across from videos, i do not have the swollen cap that others have.

I really hope to understand what is going on as both my partner and me did not experience sex before as we are virgins.
Please do answer or help.. Thank you so much : )

Dear Curious,

One of the benefits that you and your girlfriend have now that intercourse was not "a success" is that it invites the two of you to talk more about sex, to explore more about sex, and to learn more about it. Or, you might greet the situation with silence, like a lot of us do when it comes to sex. I hope you'll go with the former, as it will be a great opportunity to learn about each other and to start becoming comfortable in giving each other feedback about what feels good and what doesn't.

One of the problems with sex when you're just starting out is you might not have any clue about what feels good or bad with a partner, or how to put it into words in order to tell them. You might not be aware that some of the things you might do during sex don't feel good until you are seriously aroused as opposed to just sort of aroused. (Timing and reading each other's body arousal is an art that grows with experience and a willingness to explore and to give each other feedback.) Another thing to be aware of is how things that might feel good for her at one time of the month might feel differently at another time during her menstrual cycle.

And finally, this might be an opportunity for the two of you to talk more about birth control, which any couple needs to know a lot about before trying intercourse.

Regarding the situation you describe, there can be a problem that some women have when the muscles in their vagina clamp shut and won't allow anything in. The cause for this can be anything from prior abuse or a really sex-negative upbringing to an uncomfortable visit to the gynecologist or an infection that at one time caused sex to feel painful. For some reason, and there could be lots of possibilities, the muscles in the vagina clamp shut to prevent more pain. However, I'm willing to bet that since this was your first attempt, that it might have been because the two of you were nervous and you rushed things or didn't give each other feedback. There's a lot to making your first time feel pleasurable and memorable. Few of us take the kind of steps and preparation for that to happen.

I've posted an entire chapter on losing your virginity on the website for my book at GuideToGettingItOn.com. Click on the button that says "losing your virginity." However, this assumes that you and your partner are of legal age for you to be having sex in your state.

As for your penis being the same or different, I've posted illustrations of a number of different penises on the same website. They show what a large range of sizes, shapes and angle of the dangle. You can find it by clicking on "body parts" or on "losing your virginity."

My very best wishes to both of you!

Paul
author of "Guide To Getting It On!"

if you are interested in Paul's book:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1885535694/goofyfootpres