Skip to main content

Is it normal for a girl after she slept with one guy to be uncomfortable sleeping with another?

Share |
Jessie asks:

I've only slept with one guy since I have started having sex. The other night me and this guy we were getting really comfortable and then he wanted to have sex and I wanted to. But when he went to do anything I pulled back from him. Is it normal for a girl after she slept with one guy to be uncomfortable to sleep with another guy?

Heather Corinna replies:

Hey, Jessie.

You know, it's normal for anyone, of any gender, and with any level (or lack) of sexual experience to feel attraction or a desire to have sex, and then to change your mind, or feel uncomfortable about pursuing sex, at any time, for any number of reasons.

For instance, it may well be that so far, you still only have felt ready and comfortable having sex with the partner you had before: maybe you're not ready for a new partner, especially if this brand-new person isn't someone you know all that well or have established some sort of relationship with or a slow (as in, over a few days or week or months: not hours) progression TO sex with.

There are a world of other reasons why we might change our minds about having sex with someone that initially we wanted to have sex with.

Maybe we just picked up a vibe we didn't initially that makes us uncomfortable or makes us feel like the other person isn't trustworthy. Maybe we don't feel comfortable enough with that person to bring up safer sex or birth control. Maybe the kind of sex that person wants to pursue isn't what we really want. Maybe someone initiating something sexual does it in a way which bothers us, or maybe we get turned off because WE wanted to be the ones initiating.

Or maybe our mood just shifted: libidos are unpredictable critters, and we can want sex one minute and then not want it just a few minutes later, sometimes inexplicably, when there seems no real reason.

Having sex with one person, or having sex one time, doesn't incline us to necessarily have sex with others or to have sex again. It might make us a little more comfortable with the idea, since we can have a better idea of what exactly we're getting into, but that depends a lot on what our previous experiences were: if they weren't so great, or were all-out rotten, it'd be understandable if previous sex made us LESS comfortable with the prospect of more.

No matter what, though, we can always change our minds about sex with someone else, and that's always okay, and they need to treat it as okay.

written 13 Jul 2007 . updated 20 Dec 2012

More like This

Don't want sex, to be in a sexual relationship or to have sex in a romantic relationship? Then don't. You don't have to: sex and sexual relationships are supposed to be optional. For everyone -- of...

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.