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Is it "gross" to get wet?

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mckac asks:

I get really really wet! It's really gross. My boyfriend wants to go down on me and finger me, but I don't want him to think I'm gross. Is it normal to be so wet? Will he think it's ok?

Sarah replies:

This is actually a good thing!

In general, the vagina is supposed to be a pretty wet environment. Even when a woman is not sexually aroused, she'll have cervical mucus and other vaginal discharge. It may be helpful to think about it as being somewhat similar to the inside of your mouth. Just like you're constantly producing saliva, you're also constantly producing discharge. It's pretty uncomfortable if your mouth gets dry because you don't have enough saliva. The same thing would be true if you didn't produce enough vaginal discharge. During different parts of your menstrual cycle, you'll produce different amounts and types of discharge.

For more information about discharge in general and your cycle, check out:

When a woman is aroused, she'll produce additional vaginal lubrication. This is something that's totally normal. It should be happening. If you're truly relaxed, aroused, and wanting sexual activity, this is what your body should be doing. It is part of your body's way of preparing for sexual activity. Without lubrication, penetrative activities are going to be uncomfortable at best and painful at worst. In addition to lubricating, you'll also notice your vagina relaxing and expanding and the entire genital region becoming more sensitive. Again, these are normal parts of the process. Some women do lubricate more than other based on several factors (like medications they might be taking, medical conditions, time in their menstrual cycle, age, etc.), but regardless of how much you're lubricating when you are aroused, it's normal. (As a side note, it is still wise to use extra condom-safe lubricant when you're engaging in penetrative activities. No matter how much you lubricate on your own, natural lube doesn't tend to stand up well to latex and friction. So adding extra lube during those activities will both help prevent condom breakage and make things much more comfortable.)

Unless you are noticing something else off with your discharge (such as it being cottage cheese-like, green, foul smelling, itchy, etc.), then there's nothing wrong. If you are having any of those symptoms, then it may indicate that you have some kind of infection going on and you need to see a health care provider to have it diagnosed and treated. Your partner should not think you're gross. Does he think it's gross that you produce saliva? Well, again this is sorta the same deal. It's a normal bodily function and it should be happening. If your partner does react badly, then that's a good indication that he's not very familiar with the way the female body works. This doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, this means that he needs to become better educated regarding the way things work. Overall though, this is not something to worry about.

You will want to keep in mind though that when we are talking about oral or manual sex, there can be STI risks (and, in some cases, pregnancy risks with manual sex). In order to protect both of you, it is important to use appropriate safer sex practices by using things like condoms, dental dams, and gloves or finger cots.

You may also want to check out these pages:

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.