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I'm not comfortable with my body; does this mean I'm not ready for sex?

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Anonymous asks:

I'm 16 years-old and I have been going out with this truly amazing guy I have known for nearly five years. We have been dating for 2 months, but I feel as if we have really connected physically and emotionally. We talk openly about sex and express ourselves as mature and intelligent young adults. The problem is that I have difficulties accepting myself physically. I have very very small breasts and a petite frame and that keeps me from experimenting sexually with my partner. I know I have a great personality and other good features, but I cannot help feeling like a child. Is my underdevelopment or my insecurity a sign that I am not ready for sex?

Thank you.

Hollie replies:

This is an excellent question!!

Part of being intimate with someone is being able to put yourself in a vulnerable position and trusting your partner not to hurt you. Does your partner know that you are insecure about your body? Has he ever made any negative comments in the past about your breasts or height to make you think your physical appearance is unappealing to him?

Personally, I think it is important to have some sort of acceptance of your body before you can comfortably share it with another person. It really takes away from the experience if you're always worrying about whether your partner thinks your boobs are too small, that you're too short, etc, ... What your partner thinks about your body tends to matter less when YOU have accepted it and love it for what it is. We no longer have to seek acceptance from partners and friends when we've accepted it and love it for ourselves, and that is such an awesome feeling.

I would suggest that you discuss this with your partner. Tell him that while you want to experiment sexually, you have some insecurities about your body. I can pretty much guarantee you that he has some insecurities too, and it'd probably help you both to share them. You can use your ability to discuss this and his reaction to this conversation to help gauge whether or not you're ready for sex as a couple.

Remember, too, that there is much more to sexual readiness than body image. There's relationship, health care, contraception, etc ... We have many many articles here that will help you and your partner decide if you're ready for a sexual relationship. I've linked you to only the articles pertaining to your specific question though (or the list would be three feet long!)

Check it out;

10 of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Sexual Self (at Any Age)
Life Lessons from the Third Stall on the Left
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
Yield for Pleasure

written 08 Jan 2008 . updated 20 Jan 2009

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