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If it's wet, then it ain't dry sex.

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Anonymous asks:

Me and my boyfriend were dry humping with no clothes on and we were a little rough. its been 4 days since then and for some reason I have been spotting. I doubt it is my period because I'm not showing my usual cramps or other symptoms. Although I do get my period around this time during some months. Also the spotting is a reddish brown color... I'm scared that I might be pregnant...what is going on??

Heather Corinna replies:

When you and a partner have no clothing on, and direct genital-to-genital contact, please understand that it isn't dry sex anymore.

The "dry" in dry sex is pretty critical: it means that sex was had in which there was no chance of any fluid contact or exchange. If you've got a naked penis rubbing all over a naked vulva, that's not dry sex: that's effectively sexual intercourse for all practical purposes.

That also means that kind of activity puts you at the same risks vaginal intercourse does, of pregnancy and STIs. So, that spotting might be the start of your period, but it is also possible it is a symptom of an infection you've contracted or (less likely, since it's somewhat rare) that it is implantation bleeding from a pregnancy. Chlamydia, for instance, one of the most common sexually transmitted infections among young people, can cause spotting. In your case here, it would NOT be implantation bleeding because pregnancy takes longer than four days to happen, and implantation isn't going to happen until five to ten days in or so.

Spotting can also happen if you got an abrasion on your vulva, vaginal opening or labia. You said things were a little rough, so that's a possibility. For future reference, if things are rough and hurt or don't feel good, that's the way your body is telling you to chill out and be more gentle. If you're sustaining injuries, then you know you've got to be more gentle, and/or be using a lubricant as needed. Rubbing genitals together a lot produces friction, which creates dryness much of the time, so if you're chafing, you probably need some lube.

But since you've engaged in this, I suggest that you get into your gynecologist or sexual health-care provider for an STI screening and a general checkup. You'll want to do those screenings -- everyone sexually active needs to do this -- at least once a year, and more often if you're switching up partners more often or are not monogamous. Your boyfriend needs them yearly, too, not just you.

From here on out? If you do not want to become pregnant and want to reduce your STI risks, then when you're naked, he's naked, and your genitals are near one another, he needs to have a condom on. Alternately, he could just keep his pants on, but the point is that if you want to do dry sex and only have the risks dry sex presents (which are pretty much none), then it's truly got to be dry, without any direct genital contact. I'd suggest you also make this clear to your boyfriend, and set a hard limit with it: no condom or no pants = no genital contact.

Too? Please know that if sometime in the future, you wind up doing this without protection again, that to prevent pregnancy after the fact, you can obtain and use emergency contraception up to 120 hours after a risk. That won't protect you from STIs after the fact, but it can reduce your pregnancy risks very substantially.

Here's some helpful links for you:

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