Sex isn't appealing, but I want to be close to my partner.

think_positive_and_smile asks:

I'm 16 and have been with my boyriend, also 16, for 5 months. He has only ever fingered me as I don't really like the thought of other sexual activities too appealing but feel I am ready for sex as it is a way to be as physically close to him as I am emotionally.

My only problem is is that my opening is really tight and can fit about 2 fingers maximum-- sorry this sounds disgusting? His friends tell me about his "massive penis" and I'm scared he won't be able to fit it in. We have spoken about sex and both agreed that we want to do it, but now I'm just nervous that it won't go as I'd always expected it because I'm too tight? Please help.

I come way too soon and I just can't deal!

Chris asks:

This question is about Premature Ejaculation, nowhere on the internet will give me any free advice or help so I really appreciate some real advice on thus one. I'm 20 years old and I have a girlfriend.

We been having sex a lot, when I get to see her, (she lives in another city in the time being but when I do see her), the tension is high in our sexual urges and have a lot of it. I have a very confused penis as it would last normally (let's say 10 minutes) but then more often it goes out of control and I ejaculate to soon.

She is very supportive and tries to go slow or is patient when I have to stop every 5 seconds. But come on, this isn't sex. I'm fighting a battle every time. I try to relax and use different condoms for sensitivity but I still get the same end result PE! I do know I have a high sex drive ( I love the idea of sex a lot) she is hot and the fact she wants it all the time is hot too but I find sometimes it makes me a bit nervous because of my problem.

I know in my past I do get stressed, sometimes I don't sleep regularly, or get the proper exercise as needed, and I got a lot on my mind but I know others like that and they don't have PE or at least tell me that. When I was with her I wasn't stressed or anything and I still get it. Can you please help me.

Not feeling much with penetration, what's up with that?

Ashlee B. asks:

I'm 18 years old and I recently just lost my virginity. It wasn't very painful at all as I had heard it might be, in fact the pain I felt was very minor and more so irritating to my vagina than anything. The thing that I was worried about though however, is the fact that after he entered, I felt nothing. At first I thought that maybe it was because he doesn't seem really big in size, but after reading up on it, I guess he's pretty average. And although I felt nothing, he did. So I don't have a clue why this is so. Also, I've never really found pleasure in fingering either when he does or when I do it myself because I don't get a sensation from it. Could this be related? I just want to know if you any information that might be useful to me. Thanks.

Am I ready & without rubbing my clitoris, will it even feel good if I am?

Madison D. asks:

I have been with my boyfriend for about three months and I am not sure if I'm ready to have sex. How do you really know if you're ready? We have talked about sex before and he wants to do it but I'm just not sure if I want to or not. We have done other things and have also talked about those and if it felt good for us. It was just a little bit awkward talking about it with him at first, then I got more comfortable. He's not pressuring me into doing it, I just want to make sure I'm absolutely ready because I don't want to regret it.

There is another question I would like to ask. If you have been masturbating for quite some time (by rubbing my clit), and I mean a long time, will I only be able to get pleasure from rubbing or will having sex feel good too? I have read somewhere that you can get used to one thing and only be able to feel pleasure from it. My boyfriend has fingered me, it hurt a little at first but then it didn't. It's not that I hated it, but I also didn't get pleasure from it. I'm scared that I won't be able to get pleasure from anything else other than rubbing. Please help.

Am I a "loose" woman?

confused girl asks:

I've been having sex for two years now with the same person. There were times we had sex more than once in a day for a long time. Sometimes 5 or 6 times, and perhaps a few days more than that. Before that I would always have a discharge and didn't like it so I would wear tampons non-stop. I don't wear the tampons non-stop anymore. But, my question is this: Does me wearing tampons all the time, non-stop for a while and me use to having sex everyday for two years cause me to be looser than other people? This really scares me because I feel like I'm less of a woman. And I feel like when I get married my husband isn't going to enjoy me because I'm going to be loose. Please help. Thank you so much..

I'm late to the game: have I had an orgasm yet?

missmoniq asks:

I am in my late twenties and have never had an orgasm.I have only become sexually acquainted with my body in the last couple of years and can now get myself to the brink which is really intensely pleasurable but I get no sense of release I would expect to associate with an orgasm. Am I just expecting too much? Am I having orgasms but they are just not what I expect? It has the potential to impact my current relationship as he gets frustrated he can't make me come. Have I orgasmed?

Erection for almost an hour: what should we do?

Macy asks:

My boyfriend is 22 this year and he has had one sexual partner before me, I am 21 and he is the first person I've ever had a sexual relationship with. We've been having sex for almost a year and we've been together for about two years. I was wondering whether it is normal for a guy to be able to have an erection that lasts for 40 minutes (at least) to almost an hour (sometimes more) in bed? He tells me that a lot of girls want a guy who can last long in bed, but unfortunately for me (and ironically, him as well), I can never find the stamina to keep going for that long - we both do our parts and take turns with who is on top, but I reckon this is due to the whole process taking about 3 hours at least because of foreplay and the cuddling after sex. If we take a break, either of us will just lose the mood to continue. It is the same whether or not I give him a hand/blow job before we start having sex - he still maintains his erection for a very long time. I do get frustrated because of how long it can take, and although there are times when I do enjoy him being able to last so long, other times I'd rather just have a quickie. Is there anything we can do about this? Or is it just something certain guys have? I don't want to ask him about his previous sexual relationship because I'm comfortable not knowing the details.

Another question I have is whether a guy can be too used to his own hands when he masturbates, so much so that no matter how I try I can't get him to cum no matter what method I use when I'm giving him a blow/hand job (just my hands, hands and mouth, mouth only) which is what I do when he needs a release and I'm having my period. The reason I'm asking is also because when I'm tired or sore from all the vigorous sexercise, sometimes I try to finish him off with a hand/blow job but it's the same and it doesn't get him off unless he takes over and does it himself.

He doesn't complain about it, and doesn't force me to do anything that I am not comfortable with, but I do want to be able to satisfy him from beginning until the end because he never fails to satisfy me. Am I missing anything here?

She took Plan B and now she has her period. Can she still be pregnant?

JustAnOrdinaryPerson asks:

First thank you for taking the time to read my question.
Anyways... my girlfriend (19) and I (also 19) recently became sexually active. We are both virgins and have no diseases. I got tested just in case just to make sure. Well we have had sex a few times with protection. Then this passed Wednesday (the 2nd of January) about 2pm, we had sex but I'm not sure I believe the condom broke because once I pulled out I noticed she had white liquid on her which I believed to be sperm. She said she had an orgasm and thinks maybe thats what it was. But any who, just to play it safe around 6pm the same day we went end got the Plan B pill and she took it, and took the 2nd pill around 5am the next morning. The thing is she was supposed to start her period soon and the very next day (Thursday) night she did (which was the same day of the month as the previous period). Well we were wondering if she could be pregnant? Today is the 5th and all of that happened within a short amount of time.

Sex (on the 2nd)- Plan B (on the 2nd)- period (on the 3rd)

So what im asking really is...
1) Is her period to early to actually know if she got pregnant? Or is it a sign she isn't?
2) If it isn't a sign of anything since its too early, could it increase the chance of her not being pregnant?
3) Can we get a pregnancy test 20 days from intercourse or do we have to wait until the next period?

p.s thanks again this will be a huge help

To have sex or not to have sex: that's the question.

Eoin asks:

I appreciate your site, and have been reading as much of it (along with several other sources) as I can, and discussing topics with family and close friends and the information is very helpful. However, I still feel amazingly overwhelmed, confused and scared about sex and was hoping I could get some direct help.

I am a 17 year old virgin guy and have a 14 year old girlfriend, as well as (and I do hate myself for this) a would-be lover (my friend's girlfriend). I love and (I believe) am loved by both of them, although at our ages I think it is hard to tell sometimes (uncertainty about feelings, the drama vs. love that you have mentioned, "is it just a casual boyfriend/girlfriend thing", etc). Anyways, I have heard many different opinions about the first time especially in emotional and spiritual terms, and also have my own personal fears and complications.

First, I am worried because I am uncertain about sex being "such a big deal". Honestly I would hope that it is not and I think I may have been close-minded to that effect. Specifically among my concerns are some statements on your site (forgive me and correct if my paraphrasing compromises the intent):

How many partners do most people have in their lives, and is everyone serially monogamous?

Kalira asks:

I'm so used to seeing TV shows with the "bachelor" who constantly sleeps around and never has a partner, or the one who's looking for "the one" and falls in love and looses someone new every five episodes. And at school, I'm used to everyone dating for a week, then more or less switching partners, or randomly sleeping together.

My question is: How many partners do most people have in their life time? And do one-week stands count as a small relationship? How short can a relationship be, and how long can it before moving on and finding someone new becomes really hard? Can people be in committed, loving, polygamous relationships, or have different partners for different things (like someone else for especially rough sex you wouldn't want to subject a gentler emotional-lover to)?

Birth control and infertility?

Miz asks:

I have been on birth control pills for three years now and I finally got off of them two weeks ago. Now I am scared that I may be sterile. It really scares me because I don't want to be infertile. Is there a way for me to find out if I will be able to become pregnant?

Veganism is good for the planet, but is it bad for my sex drive?

Jennifer asks:

I started a Vegan diet 40 days ago. I have been very careful with everything I have been eating as far as ingredients are concerned. Since the start of my diet I have had absolutely no interest in sex and now I have a yeast infection. I would appreciate any advice or input you may offer. Thank you for your time.

Why aren't you psychic?

HELP101 asks:

I'm 21 and me and my fiance have been sexually active for quite a while now. He says that sex isn't boring, BUT (and the but is never good) he wants to be able to say "Wow, she is a freak!" when we get done. I don't know what he is looking for, but I'm up to try anything. He says he won't tell me exactly what he wants me to do because then it won't be a surprise when I do it. I just don't want sex to get boring between us, so I need some advice.

He was going to pull out...but he didn't, and I feel bad taking Plan B.

Stacey asks:

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 months and we just started having sex. He was my first and I am completely in love with him. We've been protected for 4 of the times with a condom, but tonight we didn't use one. He was about to pull out right before, but he came. I'm really scared that I could become pregnant and I know that one of my friends has the "morning after" pill, but I feel bad taking it. I am so worried and confused. HELP ME!

Did my stepmother lie to me about my right to birth control?

Audrey asks:

I would appreciate a little light shed on my question, it puzzles me greatly. I asked a good while ago if I could start on Birth Control, and my father actually wouldn't mind, in fact, he supports it. My stepmother, on the other hand, doesn't seem comfortable with it. Despite the obvious discomfort, she said she'd call her doctor and see what she could do. Days later, she told me they won't take anyone under 18. This confused me. I know many teenagers on Birth Control. I hope she's not just saying that, although it wouldn't be the first time she did something rather similar to that. At first I got the feeling that she thought I would change if I was on the pill, like I was invincible and I could never get pregnant, so I can have sex whenever I want. The thing is, I'm not sexually active, I'm a virgin. I often get the feeling she thinks I'm a tramp. I would NEVER think in that fashion. So, my question to you, do you have to be a certain age to consult a doctor about Birth Control? And although I'm only 16, would that be my personal choice to take the pill? Or do they have a say in it until I'm a legal adult?

How can I get him to kiss me?

loloismyfriend asks:

I have a boyfriend, and we're kind of close. We were friends for a long time before actually becoming a couple. I need to know how to go in to kiss him, and how to make it so I'm not nervous, he really likes talking to me and I know we're boyfriend and girlfriend. But he never goes in to kiss me, and I want to be kissed. How do I get him to come in and kiss me? If he doesn't kiss me does that mean he's gay?

Her pregnancy of two years ago came BACK?!?

confused asks:

I recently found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is I am a virgin. She had an abortion about 2 years ago and she told me that her doctor said it could randomly come back at anytime without her having sex. I want to believe her but something tells me that isn't right. PLEASE HELP!

Do you have to pull out when you use condoms?

Bradley asks:

I have always been wondering this question. I've been asking all of my friends about it, but I'm unsure of their answers. So I want a professional answer. So my question is: when wearing a condom, do you HAVE to pull out before or when you "erupt", or can you just keep going?

Sex just isn't that great anymore; Am I doing something wrong?

stephlinatay asks:

my partner and i seems to explore new things in our sexual relationship. we are both sexually active and we enjoy making love. however, when we both come together i dont seem to get wet that easily and sometimes he goes soft in between too. there is just not enough chemistry. we try and we really love each other alot. he always needs to lubricate me and its never the case ever. its frustrating him and its stripping away my confidence.

we talked about it and are trying ways but its not working as well. i dont know how else to drive the chemistry. is this even possible?

If i didn't have it, and he didn't have it, where did this STI come from?!

Kayla asks:

My question is, I was tested for Gonnerhea and Chlamydia at the end of April of 08 and I was negative. I just got another test done when I was refilling my birth control three months later and came out positive. I know I surely have been faithful, and so has my partner, but we can't understand where it would have come from between the last test and this test. We've had intercourse since November of 07, and I was checked twice being negative. I know for a fact there aren't any faith issues, could I have had it without it being detected the first time? Please help! He's of course thinking I'm cheating. Blaah.

I had a PAP test; Am I still a virgin?

lynhal asks:

I had my first pap smear at age 21. I was told by the nurse practioner that I had to have one. It really hurt and she was irritated with me that it was taking so long to do. After she was finished she left the table and then she came back to the table where I was and she jerked my legs opened and I heard a snapping noise and thought she had popped my back. She told me I was still a virgin. But when I got home there was a lot of blood, I walked differently and my vagina seemed to be pulled down more between my legs. Is all of this normal to have happened for a first time pap smear? I feel like she actually raped me and that I have physically lost my virginity. I am becoming very depressed.

Why is my vulva swelling so much with or after sex?

Delilah asks:

I'm an 18 year one lesbian, recently every time me and my partner have manual sex or when we have mutual masturbation- where she rubs my vulva. At the end of this whole sexual activity, my clitoral glans, labia minora and vagina walls swell up. There was once it was really painful when I sat or bathe especially when I wash it with feminine hygeine wash. I like this whole sexual activity but I don't want my vagina to swell everything we do such a thing it's quite a hassle cause it feels quite uncomfortable. Please tell me what to do. Thank you, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

He says he doesn't like condoms, so should we use withdrawal instead?

Bam+Bam+ItsSam asks:

I am a 15 (almost 16) year old virgin. My boyfriend and I are thinking about having sex. We love each other, we are both mature and know everything, and we both ARE ready. He isn't a virgin, he had sex once before. While having a discussion on the phone he mentioned to me about this round-a-bout and that he doesn't like using condoms. I am completely 100% for condoms and would never risk myself getting pregnant or getting something (even though I know he doesn't have anything). But he insists that he barely pre-cums and when he does "finish" he knows beforehand. I know guys just say that. I've thought about it and maybe after were used to intercourse I'll think about the pull out method. But ONLY if we use another type of protection.

What do you think about the pull out method? For the other question I have, what is safer to use, in a girl's point of view? Morning after pill? The Ring? Birth control? How can I get my hands on a Morning after pill? Thanks ever so much.

P.S. your site rocks =]

My rape is stuck in my head: what do I do to get it out?

Abba asks:

This is an odd question, and I really hope I don't disturb anyone here, it's not my intention. Anyway, I'm 16, and I've been raped, about a month ago. I'm kinda going nuts here, it's being sorted out legally. I'm not pregnant, I don't have any infections, and the guy's arrested, and I could really care less about the incident, except it's really stuck in my head. I guess this isn't sexual... but, it sort of of is, so I decided to pose it here. I have dreams about my rape, every night I can remember dreaming. It's really starting to mess with my brain, and I've broken down crying more than once, which is bringing me close to insanity in its own sense.

Am I going to need therapy, or some skitzo drugs, or something? I really don't want to be crazy over this, I just want to move on, get past High School, and get a life. I talked to my dad about it, and he said his dad had something similar, like a severe form of PTSD after he got back from serving in Vietnam (or Korea, I forget... We were talking about -my- insanity, sorry, I forget). Said his dad had flashbacks sometimes, which I guess would qualify for these dreams. I know you guys aren't psychiatrists, so I won't bore you with the specifics; it's just like a replay of the rape, over and over. Sometimes a few things are different, sometimes I'm watching it happen, sometimes it's just how it happened.

Am I insane, or unstable, or just having nightmares? Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask it, but a friend of mine said the help here was really cool, but I mean, I don't know if you guys do stuff past pregnancy scares and diseases all that.

Rape fantasy or domination and submission desires?

Nunya asks:

I am 24 and a sexually active woman. I have a fantasy that I have told no one about because its embarassing. I keep having fantasies about being held down and forced to have sex. It really turns me on too. Is this normal? (No I have never been raped or molested, so its not some pshychlogical thing comin out.) I want to ask my boyfriend to do a roleplay with me about forcing himself on me but I don't want him to think I am a psycho nutball. Would this be safe and healthy as long as we made up something, a codeword like "reindeer" or something so that if I got scared or it got to rough one of us could say the code word and we stop? Do other people have this fantasy or am I really a psycho nutball?


Please notify us of any offensive or inappropriate ads

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.