My friends and I have been giving blow jobs to our boyfriends at school instead of having sex with them. This year we're freshmen and my best friend told me of a junior boy with a really big D. We're not sluts or anything, but we have talked it over quite a few times and wanted to see if it was true. During Christmas break we went to a party and even though we were really nervous, we cornered him in the basement and asked to see it. He agreed to show it to us as long as we gave him a hand job. We weren't keen on the idea, but agreed. He was huge, twice as big as our boyfriends easily and we could both fit both of our hands on it at once. Just as the boy was ready to shoot his load, he said one of us would have to swallow. Neither of us wanted to, but he said we had to and he thrust himself into my mouth as he ejaculated. I was embarrassed and nervous and didn't know what to do, so I finally swallowed an entire mouthful of what tasted like mucus. We left the party immediately and I tried to throw up, but couldn't. I'm not sick yet, but could swallowing his load do something to me?

Unprotected oral sex -- be it with a boyfriend or someone else -- always presents some risks of sexually transmitted infections. The biggies for oral sex are Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis B, Herpes, HIV and Syphilis. Please also understand that it's not sound to wait to feel sick: many STIs don't show obvious symptoms when you get one, and that even if a guy doesn't ejaculate, you have risks of infections since some infections are spread just by contact, not by fluids.

So, given you've had unprotected sex at least once, and more than likely more than once, with more than one partner, I'd encourage you to go and get an oral STI test soon, and also to start getting in the habit of taking better care of yourself when it comes to reducing infection risks by having your male partners wear a condom for oral sex. Since you also had a secondary partner, you're going to need to let your boyfriend in on it so he knows that his risks will have increased, and you'll both need to be using condoms for any kind of genital sex for at least the next six months, and until at the end of that period of time you have another STI test with negative results.

I'd also encourage you to consider the kind of situation you put yourself in here. It sounds to me like you felt like you couldn't say no here, even at a point where you wanted to. Given the situation, this isn't something I'd consider a sexual assault, because you and your friend initiated it from the start, and also seem to say that you agreed to things throughout, so this guy -- from the sounds of things -- would have had an impossible time knowing you didn't want to do what you were doing. But this kind of scenario is one where you certainly were likely at a higher risk of sexual violence, and when you factor that in, as well as the STI risks you took, it seems to me that this was a pretty bad trade just to quell some juvenile curiosity.

I want to bring up a few other things that I saw in your post, okay?

When you don't want to do something sexually, you don't do that thing. Period.

The hand job, the blow job, the swallowing, the whole works: when you don't want to do something, you don't. I also have to tell you that when someone ELSE doesn't want to do something, pushing them to do so isn't cool either, if that was the case here. Lastly, treating anyone at all like some kind of sexual circus freak based on the the way their genitals look is seriously uncool. Fine, you're curious: that's normal, people are sexually curious. Butcha know, you can be curious without being pushy, taking risks that aren't smart, doing things you don't want to do and also -- and given, this is a personal call on my part -- being tacky. It's one thing when little kids do the show-you-mine-show-me-yours thing, but when you're starting to grow up, it's just a bit classless and not the most nature thing on the planet.

Same goes double for tossing the word "slut" around. It's a really ugly word, and one people only tend to use to make other people feel like dirt. It's also very arbitrary. Some people would say you were a "slut," either because of this incident, or for no sound reason at all: after all, it's very common for girls who have been raped, girls who just dress a certain way, girls who have a sexually transmitted infection (even if it's from their one boyfriend), girls with certain kinds of bodies, girls who have sex with their boyfriends in private or in more public places, girls who other girls are jealous of to get called sluts. Know what else? I can almost guarantee you that that guy in the basement is probably telling all of his friends that you're sluts. Obviously, since you made a point of telling me you weren't one, you know that it's something you don't want to be called or seen as, so I'd encourage you to just drop it from your personal vocabulary and the way you think about women and sex, especially given you clearly know it's a crappy thing to be called or considered. You might find this article at The Nation of interest on the subject.

Finally, oral sex IS sex. That's why the word "sex" is on the end of it, after all.

It's not vaginal intercourse, no, but it carries physical and emotional risks just like intercourse does, and it's sex, just like intercourse is. It's something people do together motivated by sexual desire and/or interest, and with the goal of sexual satisfaction. That makes it sex.

I point that out just so that you can be sure you're not engaging in any denial. It's absolutely your call if you want to be having sex, but when you are, it's not helpful to pretend any kind of sex isn't "real" sex when it is. That kind of denial also tends to put people in the space where they figure that "not real" sex doesn't have real risks, and where they'll go without protections -- as you have. Obviously, that's not a good way to keep yourself safe. So, if you want to be having any kind of sex, just do yourself a favor and call it what it is and treat it as sex, making yourself aware of the various risks it presents and doing what you can do to reduce those risks.

Here are a few extra links I think you might find helpful: