So, last night my boyfriend was fingering me. It felt like he was going to pop my cherry because I felt something inside me move. Is this supposed to happen? What does popping your cherry feel like? My boyfriend doesn't think he does it right because i don't really do anything and/or my cherry wont pop. He's fingered me a lot of times so why wont it pop? It really hurt and it got a little uncomfortable because I felt something moving and thought it might be my cherry about to pop. I don't know! WE ARE CLUELESS!

Dear Rachel,

One of the least understood parts of the female body is her hymen. Most medical people don't know a whole lot about it, and the credible studies on hymens are few and far between. For instance, a woman might have already had intercourse many times, but the physician who examines her still thinks she's a virgin. And it's just as possible for a virgin's hymen to appear like that of a woman who did the entire football team (please forgive the unfortunate stereotype--I should have said 'a women who did the entire chess club'). In fact, some women don't ever have an intact hymen.

Also, hymens don't "pop," unless there is an injury. They often seem to gradually stretch or wear away. (Read more about hymens under the "Anatomy--Pink Parts" section of Scarleteen.)

As for your lover's fingering, what's wrong with that boy? Tell him to stop confusing his fingers with his penis. You don't just stick your fingers in there and thrust away with them or try "popping" a hymen with them. Under no circumstance should fingering cause you pain. You and he need to learn how to tell each other what feels good and what doesn't, and you need to teach him how to touch you the way you touch yourself.

A man's fingers should bring a woman waves of delight--the reason they often don't is because he never asks her to teach him and show him, or she hasn't figured it out for herself, or she doesn't know how to guide him. And in case nobody has told you, it takes lots and lots of practice for us guys to get it right. The ways that work best for a woman are often very different from the ways we touch ourselves, so we tend to do it wrong. And we don't always get the timing right, and we tend to let our fingers do the walking while our lips should still be doing the talking--and kissing.

Paul
author of "Guide To Getting It On!"

if you are interested in Paul's book:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1885535694/goofyfootpres