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How (or should) I give this boy a handjob?

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Tasha asks:

A guy friend whom I really like asked me to have sex with him. I haven't yet, but he asked if I would give him a handjob. I have never given one. So how do I?

Susie replies:

The plainest answer to this question would be to ask him to show you how he prefers to masturbate, and try to mimic that motion while wearing a latex glove covered in water-based lube like Astroglide or KY jelly.

But my Spidey-sense tells me that's not all there is to this question.

Are you 110% sure you want to hook up with your friend? It's okay if you are absolutely sure that this is what you want to do ... because it's what you want to do. But all too often, people make the mistake of engaging in sexual activity with a crush expecting it to lead to a more serious relationship when that's not what the crush had in mind. In these cases when it becomes clear that one person expects a relationship and the other person expects sex with no strings attached, a lot of feelings get hurt, and people feel used, betrayed or even dirty.

So let me ask you again: Is this what you want to do?

If yes, then go buy some latex gloves (the kind your dentist wears) and some water-based lube like Astroglide or KY jelly. Communicate openly with your partner about how he likes to be gripped and go from there. The best part is that you get to learn along the way.

But if this is only something you're considering because you hope it'll get him to go out with you (and not just hook up), then back up a second. It's time you and he had a real talk. If you want a relationship, you need to be clear on that. And if he doesn't want a relationship, then you both need to move on and find people who fit the bill a little better.

For more info, I'd suggest you read: Safer Sex...for Your Heart and Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To

written 11 Jul 2007 . updated 13 Dec 2012

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