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How do you know you've had an orgasm?

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Abi asks:

This is going to sound stupid but I have a question and its simply this: how do you know when you've orgasmed? I had my first time to other night with a guy I love very much but when he asked me if I came I didn't know. I have no experience at sex at all.

David replies:

Hi Abi,

First of all, here's a great answer for knowing if you've had an orgasm, and what to do about it if you're not sure.

If you haven't had any experience with sex of any kind (a lot of people think "sex" just means "penis in vagina intercourse") then chances are pretty good you didn't. Orgasms, even orgasms for the stereotypical guy, are complicated and you have to learn how.

When I first got started it took me months to learn how to have an orgasm while masturbating. Touching myself felt good anyway so I kept it up. When I did start having orgasms they were pretty tiny. It took more months to get much past it feeling better than a good sneeze. That's pretty common too.

So anyway, it's really nice that your partner asked if you'd had one, especially if he wanted to keep working and playing till you had one. On the other hand it's not something you want to do to make him happy, which sounds funny but sometimes we count orgasms as if they're points in a game and that can be distracting and even stressful.

written 21 May 2008 . updated 21 May 2008

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