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How can I masturbate without my parents knowing?

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saraflyy97 asks:

This may sound silly but I'm a 15 year old girl I want to masturbate without my parents knowing. The only opportunity I get is at night in my room, but I'm afraid because I don't want my parents to hear me or anything. Hopefully I won't make noise. Also, I'm worried that if I ejaculate (I think females can) it will stain my sheets or something, and I can't have my parents see that. Will ejaculation fluid stain permanently? What can I do to be able to masturbate, but keep my parents from finding out? I feel that masturbation should be private and not a family matter, so I just need to know how to keep it to myself. Thanks!

Jenna replies:

Your question isn't silly.

Privacy around any kind of sex is a big concern for many people, whether they live with parents, housemates or partners. Many people feel that masturbation is a very private thing, and don't necessarily want to shout it out to their parents that they are going to go pleasure themselves after family dinner! Everyone's relationship with their parents is different, and you have every right to want to keep your masturbation habits private.

I just want to start off by saying that I think it's fantastic that you know you are interested in masturbating and making it work with your living situation. Masturbation is a great way to feel good, show yourself some love, and learn about what you do and don't like. Regardless of your age and who you live with, masturbation is a healthy form of sexual expression and exploration. As a sexual person, you have every right to be able to safely express yourself and be able to masturbate.

Also, please keep in mind that everyone masturbates differently. Because our bodies are so different, something that might feel good to one person might not feel so awesome for someone else. It's all about what feels good to you and what you enjoy. I will talk about some suggestions, but it's okay if something that I bring up does not work for you. For information on some of the different ways that people masturbate, you can check out How Do You Masturbate?.

The Noise Factor

It sounds like your biggest concern about masturbating with privacy is your parents being able to hear you. Depending on where you have learned about masturbation, that's not a big surprise. Movies, television, and even books often depict masturbation as this loud, frantic explosion of moans and screams. While that might be the case for some people, most people are able to control their noise level and keep their masturbation session relatively quiet if they try to do so. Other people find that they naturally don't make much noise at all, without trying not to. You might find making noise isn't even an issue for you.

When people do make noise during masturbation, it could be from expressing pleasure, or the physical act of masturbating. Things that might cause more noise include heavy breathing, any vocal noises or moaning, or the sound of a motor if you are using a vibrator. If you are masturbating with your hand, it's generally easier to make less noise. Below are some tips on keeping your masturbation sessions private if you are still worried about your parents hearing you:

  • Breathe: It is always possible that you might find yourself breathing more heavily during masturbation. If you have extremely thin walls, that might be an issue, but fortunately this is also something that is easy to control. You can try to have even, steady breathing while focusing on what you are feeling and experiencing during masturbation.
  • Try the Bathtub/Shower: Feel free to explore masturbation in the bedroom when you have time and privacy. However, you might find that masturbating in the tub or shower gives you a little more privacy, as your parents might be less likely to hear any noises from the bathroom when water is running. That room probably is also a place where when you're in the bath or shower, your folks don't tend to just walk in on you. Many people have position preferences for masturbating (standing, laying down, sitting, etc). Depending on what position you prefer, this may or may not be an option.
  • Play Music: If you ever play music in your room, that can also help ease any discomfort that you might be experiencing about making any noise.
  • Use a Pillow: If you are still worried about any noise that might come from your mouth, biting into a pillow might help with that. Additionally, some people find that rubbing into a pillow feels really good for masturbation, and it is certainly more quiet than a vibrator's motor.
  • Relax: In addition to helping you even out your breathing, relaxing will definitely help you have a more enjoyable masturbation session. If you are focusing on how to be as quiet as possible, chances are you won't even have a good time masturbating. Then what's the point? So take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy yourself.

The Ejaculation Situation

Some women certainly are able to ejaculate during masturbation or sex. There are a few things that you might want to keep in mind as you are exploring your body through masturbation.

  • Not all women ejaculate during masturbation or sex or do so often. It's possible that you might find yourself able to ejaculate, but just know that nothing is wrong with you whether you do or do not.
  • Not all women enjoy or feel comfortable ejaculating. For some people, it is not that pleasurable, but for others, it can feel amazing. Just know that when it comes to female ejaculation, everyone is different.
  • Because of where ejaculate comes from (the urethra, where you pee from), there is always a possibility of some urine coming out. While this might not necessarily stain your sheets, you would want to be sure to wash them right afterwards. Additionally, since it sounds like the only time you will be able to masturbate is at nighttime, you probably don't want to be sleeping in wet sheets. To avoid any awkward stain or wet sheet situation, you can lay a towel down on your bed before you masturbate. Also, in addition to helping with the noise factor, masturbating in the shower or bathtub can also help out with any fluids during masturbation, whether we're talking about ejaculation, or something much more common, like the vaginal fluids that typically occur with arousal, lubricant or menses.

For a great comprehensive article on female ejaculation, including how some people ejaculate and why, take a look at Squirt: On Female Ejaculation. Also, Sexual Response & Orgasm: A User's Guide can help you identify your own sexual response and what might work best for you when you are exploring masturbation.

What If...?

While there are plenty of things that you can do to make sure that your masturbation sessions are as private as possible, you might want to prepare yourself in case you do feel like (or have to) have that talk with your parents. That might just mean approaching one or both parents and asking them to knock before coming into your room if they don't do so already.

Some people get squicky thinking or talking about their parents sex lives, but the truth is, most usually do have them, and most often will include masturbation. So, it's likely that at least one, if not both, of your parents probably will understand this is something you might do and that it's something you want privacy for.

Even if you decide you have no interest in talking to your parents about your sexuality, it might be helpful for you to read About That "Talk" WIth Your Parents... You might find that a few of the conversation tips are useful, and it's good to know how to start the conversation in case it does come up. You also might want to think about how you would respond if your parents do hear you or walk in on you. I don't want to scare you or make you think that will happen, but having a plan might make you feel less worried about it. Do you want to acknowledge that you were masturbating and discuss future options for maintaining your privacy? It's up to you, but thinking about it beforehand might make it feel less uncomfortable.

In terms of establishing your privacy, there are some other things that you can do. If you have any siblings, you can decide together on a privacy agreement that works for all of you. This could include always knocking on doors, or having designated "private time", or whatever else you come up with. You can talk to your parents about putting a lock on your door, or keep a sign on your doorknob whenever you want to be left alone. It really depends on the level of privacy you currently have in your household.

In closing, I just want to repeat how great it is that you know you want to masturbate and are figuring out how to do so in a way that works best for you and your privacy. Masturbation is an excellent way to explore your body and experience pleasure, PLUS there is no risk for pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections! Check out the links below for more resources on masturbation and pleasure.

More on Masturbation

Jerking Off
How Do You Masturbate?
Is Masturbation Okay? (Yep.)
Yield for Pleasure
About That "Talk" WIth Your Parents...

written 11 Nov 2012 . updated 22 Jan 2014

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