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How can I convince my GF to go down on me?

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Anonymous asks:

I'm 16 years old (my 17th birthday's in a month) and my girlfriend is 3 months younger than I am. We've been dating for 4 months now and she's not willing to actually do anything with me. I'm not talking about sex yet, as I realize how sensitive that issue is, but about simpler stuff like going down on me (I'll be more than glad to return the favor) etc. I'm her first boyfriend and she's my first serious girlfriend, so I do understand her, but nevertheless I'm a guy and those cravings are beyond my control. I love her and I really don't want to break up with her, but her lack of interest in that area is nonetheless troubling and sometimes even sparks a fight (when testosterone seizes control over me). Any advice you can offer will be happily accepted.

Hollie replies:

Hi there,

I think you're being a little insensitive towards your girlfriend. Have you talked to her at all about why she's not comfortable with any sort of sex yet? Perhaps four months of dating is not enough for her before having any sort of sexual relationship. Try not to be confrontational ... "Is there anything I can do to make this more comfortable/enjoyable for you?" will get you a lot further than "Why don't you want to go down on me?" Do not go into this conversation trying to convince her that this is something she should do, or should want to do. Though four months is a long time to you right now, in the big picture, you are still just getting to know each other.

And though sex might be something you want from a relationship, it is not something you physically need. These 'cravings' are NOT beyond your control, and your testosterone has little to do with how you handle yourself. You CAN control yourself, and you CAN control how your resolve this issue with your girlfriend.

If you discuss it and she decides she isn't ready for sex and this is something you really want from a relationship, I think you should consider ending it. Be honest. You are not wrong for wanting sex, and she is not wrong for not wanting to have sex. You may just be looking for different things in a relationship right now. Trying to convince her that your way is better is unfair to both of you, and leave you both miserable in the end.

Check it out;

written 24 Aug 2008 . updated 31 Jan 2014

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