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How can a girl protect herself if she doesn't marry a guy she intercoursed, but someone else?

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anonymous asks:

It is usually said that after an intercourse, a female vaginal membrane got broken and hence the blood comes out of vagina, it is also said that this blood comes out only for the first time of intercourse. This blood is the only proof with a girl that she's a virgin.

Please explain me either all these facts are right. If a girl had a sex before marriage and lost her virginity and by the time she realized that intercourse is not the right thing before marriage and abstains from doing it again, can she be develop again? What are the ways of recovering. How can a girl protect herself if she doesn't marry a guy she intercoursed, but someone else?

Heather Corinna replies:

The membrane you're referring to is the hymen. When fully or partially present, the hymen is a thin membrane that covers or partially covers the vaginal opening.

However, the hymen is something that usually gradually wears away -- rather than "breaking" -- over time, and not just through intercourse. Even plain old menses and vaginal fluids take part in that process. By the time most women will choose to have intercourse, it's already only partial, or at least has micro-openings. If it did/does not, then you wouldn't get any menstrual flow, or be able to insert anything at all into the vagina. because that erosion is gradual, often a single act of intercourse will not completely wear the hymen away: depending on the woman, she may even be able to have intercourse for years with a partial hymen.

Bleeding will also not always occur with either hymenal erosion or with first intercourse. Plenty of women don't experience any bleeding at all, likely because the hymen is very thin and flexible, and if a woman is well-lubricated and very aroused -- or if her hymen is already mostly worn away in the first place -- there's no cause for bleeding. As well, some women who have already had intercourse may experience bleeding with later acts for any number of reasons, and a woman may also have bleeding during first intercourse for reasons that have nothing to do with the hymen. So, a woman bleeding with intercouse is not proof of virginity or of a woman not having had intercourse before.

In other words, basically, not only aren't those facts right, most aren't facts at all, but mythology.

The hymen cannot redevelop: once it's worn away, it's worn away. But again, anyone thinking the hymen is some sort of proof of virginity is misinformed in the first place.

If you're asking what you are from a location where women are profoundly punished for having had premarital sex, the best answer is truly to just not choose to have premarital sex, however terrible it is that those standards and punishments exist at all. And in locations like that, should you marry someone who was not your first sex partner, if being honest puts your life and well-being in serious danger, it's one of the lone circumstances in which we'd advise someone to simply lie about their previous experiences. You also may have the option of seeking out assistance through independent or governmental organizations in your area who exist to protect women in these situations, if that is needed.

Ultimately, though, we strongly encourage people to be honest with all of their partners about their sexual history, and to only choose partners they can be honest with, and who treat them with the respect and care everyone deserves, including when it comes to sexual situations being somehow not ideal for them. Ideally, you shouldn't have to protect yourself from any partner at all: any situation where you have to is an abusive situation. However, I obviously recognize that this isn't always possible for women worldwide, and in those cases, what you do is whatever you need to in order to keep yourself safe.

When, however, the situation is not dire, it's a far better and simpler answer: you only choose partners who value you as a person, and not as an object or their personal property; partners who you not only CAN be honest with, no matter what, but who want you to be honest and will accept you as you are -- including whatever your previous life or sexual experiences have been -- no matter what.

written 09 Sep 2007 . updated 03 Jan 2013

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