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Female Ejaculation and Partnered Sex?

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Minnie asks:

I searched this site after having a weird experience while masturbating, which I have now come to realize is female ejaculation. The thing is I absolutely hate the feeling that goes along with that, so I have since stopped masturbating to avoid it happening again. However I currently have a partner and we are beginning to consider becoming sexually active (we know how to protect ourselves, and are above the age of consent in our area no worries) however I was wondering if there is anything I can do to avoid female ejaculation while being stimulated by my partner. I find it to be pretty gross, though I have talked to my partner about it I am unsure as to whether or not he is ok with it. Any help you could give would be appreciated. Thank you.

Stephanie replies:

While the experience was probably different and new to you, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a weird experience. Female ejaculation is actually a normal sexual response, though it’s not as common a response.

So first, let’s take a run through some of the basics around female ejaculation. Not all women ejaculate, and those women who do ejaculate generally find that it doesn’t happen every time they have any type of sex or every time that they orgasm. Understand as well that for men and women alike, orgasm is a separate deal from ejaculation. They’re often related events but none-the-less different responses. For a man, ejaculation most often – but not always – occurs right after he reaches orgasm.

Women that ejaculate on the other hand find that it’s pretty common for ejaculation to occur before orgasm, sometimes a good bit of time before, after orgasm, or only after one orgasm but before another for multiple orgasms.

Researchers are still way behind the curve when it comes to most aspects of female sexuality, female ejaculation certainly included. What we know for now is that when ejaculation occurs in women, it comes through the urethra (where we also urinate from, just like male ejaculate comes through their urethra) and/or the paraurethral ducts, and most researchers at this time think that fluid comes from the Skene's gland, which is inside the vagina. Some women that ejaculate explain a “gush” of liquid and others explain a “shooting” of liquid. Many times simply putting a towel down under yourself for sex either alone through masturbation or with a partner can help you feel more comfortable with the idea that it can happen.

Knowing this though, we also know that women orgasm all of the time without ejaculating, even those that can. Many women orgasm often and never ejaculate, and some that do it is not as noticeable as for others. Know too that ejaculation for women isn’t always the same for one woman to another or one time ejaculating to another in the same woman.

Through that now we can turn to your partner. It’s great that you and your partner are thinking ahead about protection, and talking about sex with a partner beforehand is always a good idea. Seems though that you still have some talking to do if you’re unsure how he feels about aspects of sex including your personal responses.

It’s a good idea to remember though that beginning a sexual relationship with another person is also acknowledging that you understand that sex involves many fluids – whether they be saliva, vaginal fluids, pre-ejaculate, ejaculate, even blood. Our mouths constantly replace saliva, and we wouldn’t expect a partner to be disturbed by this fact understanding that it’s a normal healthy response right? And this just like our mouths salivating is a normal healthy response – and you really don’t have to be worried about it being gross because it’s not. So it would be a good idea to continue talking about your feelings and expectations.

Honestly, the best way for you to understand your own sexual response is to test alone what you do and don’t like – and for you what may or may not cause ejaculation. Women can ejaculate from stimulation with or without g-spot stimulation, but for many it is targeted g-spot stimulation that brings about ejaculation. You may find that by testing out different things that one type of stimulation is more likely for you to cause ejaculation.

As well, it’s not uncommon to find a certain type of stimulation to be uncomfortable or for some women to find that orgasm or ejaculation may be too intense a feeling and they just don’t like it – and that’s fine. Sex is about the process - and orgasm or not, it’s supposed to be enjoyable - so if there’s something that you don’t particularly like the feeling or the response of then you don’t have to do that thing. Sex is very much about preferences.

I’m tossing some articles your way that should give some additional information as well.

written 09 Jun 2008 . updated 10 Jun 2008

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