I've been dating my girlfriend for about 7 months now and masturbation is a comfortable topic between us. We talk about it and we share feelings and such bout it. My question is if my girl friend asks me what or who I fantasized about and it wasn't her ... If I was to tell her that, she would really get upset and get the idea that I think she's not sexy. I really do think she's sexy but I don't know what to say if she asks me that question. I don't want to lie to her but what else can I do? Does this mean that I'm not true to her, because I might fantasize about some one else?

Dear Aidan,

I think there's a huge difference between having sex with someone other than your partner in real life, and having sex with someone else in your fantasies. One of the really nice things about fantasies is that they are a way of enjoying a lot of things that you would never do in real life. So I think it's important that our fantasies remain our own. If we choose to tell a partner about our fantasies, no problem. But if the fantasy might be taken the wrong way by a partner or leave them feeling hurt, I don't think you need to tell, nor should you tell.

While I wouldn't lie and say "You are always in my fantasies," I wouldn't say "To tell you the truth, you are never in my fantasies!" If she asks, how about trying to find a way to communicate that you feel kind of shy that way and would rather keep your fantasies to yourself--even the ones she is in--but that you are happy to report that she's the answer to most of the fantasies that you have!

If she can't respect that there are things about you that are private and you want to keep them that way, then I'm wondering if she isn't a little too insecure for her own good--and yours.

Paul
author of "Guide To Getting It On!"

if you are interested in Paul's book:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1885535694/goofyfootpres-20