My girlfriend and i have just recently tried having sex. However this was my first time and i wasn't able to hold my erection very long. We tried again an hour later with the same result. Is this normal the first few times? Is there anything I can do to make the erection last longer so the experience can be a good one for her?

Dear George,

I'm sorry it didn't stay up, as I know how annoying and bad this can feel. But I don't think there's anything about an erection flying south that is the slightest bit unusual--ESPECIALLY if it is your first few times. In fact, you'll find that there are some very experienced guys who have erection problems the first couple of times they are with a new partner.

One of the biggest problems with not being able to get it up, or not being able to keep it up, is that your partner might think it's because she isn't turning you on, or that you don't find her attractive. (Women often have the notion that we guys have perfect control over what goes up and down between our legs. If only they knew...) So it's important to reassure her that you find her very attractive and sexy.

My biggest concern for you is that you don't have enough of an experience base to shake it off, so to speak. You aren't able to say to yourself "I get it up 90% of the time, and this was probably just because of the pressured situation." So I'm hoping you won't starting having an expectation of failure.

You might talk to your partner about this, and come up with ways you can please her sexually if your penis goes soft. That can help take the pressure off both you and she, and it might result in a lot of really nice pleasure for her--maybe even more than if you had intercourse. Plus, you don't have to worry about her getting pregnant.

Also, I can't encourage you enough to AVOID the temptation of trying to slap it, sweet talk it, or threaten your poor penis back into an erect state. Once it goes down, send it to the locker room and start having fun pleasing your partner in other ways. Otherwise, you risk reinforcing failure with more failure.

If this keeps happening for the next couple of months, write back and we'll see if we can't deal with the situation in more depth. In the meantime, this is a great opportunity (or excuse) for you to learn how to give each other incredible amounts of pleasure without your penis having to take center stage. In fact, I often tell couples that one of the biggest barriers to them learning to really enjoy each other sexually is that the guy's penis gets hard and all the attention needs to focus on it.

Best wishes,

Paul
author of "Guide To Getting It On!"

if you are interested in Paul's book:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1885535694/goofyfootpres