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Down with the doggy style

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paperclip asks:

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year and are really in love. We started to have sex a few months ago and everything was going great until we tried doggy style. When we did it, it hurt a lot; it actually hurt so much that my knees buckled. Ever since then I've been scared to try it again because it felt so awful for me, which really sucks because my boyfriend liked it a lot and it would have been great if it was nice for both of us.

Now even when he's on top, if he thrusts really hard and goes in deep, I get a shooting pain like up my spine and all over my tummy, at one point i felt like pressure and a popping feeling around the upper middle of my tummy. Mind you, this is only during deep penetration. I don't really know what is up. It would be great if you could give me a little advise on what's happening, and what I could do to prevent this! Thank you so much!

Susie replies:

It sounds like he's ramming into your cervix. A lot of women really don't like that 'cause it can be painful.

Look at this diagram from Innies & Outies and notice how the vagina ends at the tip of the cervix. The vagina is only about 4 or 5 inches deep, so if a penis is longer than that, it's gonna bottom out if it goes in too far. In your case, because he's going too far, he's hitting up against the cervix, causing you a lot of discomfort.

When you were having sex on top, it was easier for you to control the depth of penetration. Other positions, you need to be assertive enough to shout the occasional direction like, "Hey, slow down," or "Okay, ease up, don't go in so far." Doggy style is especially notorious for deepending penetration (and not always in a good way).Your posture during doggy style makes your vagina shorter, thus more likely to result in your cervix getting bopped. If you want to continue with this position, you need to be able to tell your boyfriend what you need him to do. In general, being able to communicate effectively is key for any sexual relationship, but here it's key. Otherwise, you're just going to keep being in pain.

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written 23 Oct 2007 . updated 07 Oct 2015

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