Does the woman on top really feel good to guys?

Anonymous asks:

Me & my boyfriend have been going out for about a year & just recently started having sex. Every time we've had sex so far I've been on bottom & last night he asked me to be on top. I was nervous but went for it anyway...well, I had no idea what to do once I was up there. I thought about "riding" him (it wasnt too hard to figure out how to ride him) but is that really pleasurable for guys? Are there other ways for girls to be on top? Please help me!

Heather Corinna replies:

Having a woman on top during heterocourse is no more or less pleasurable for all guys than the missionary position is for all girls. Or than it is for some guys. Or some girls. Or than any other position is for any given person of any given gender.

Understand that there are no given sexual positions or sexual activities which every guy or every girl likes best, or which are pleasurable for every member of a given sex or gender. Preferences vary among individuals, based on an awful lot of things: individual physical sensitivities, individual sexual fantasies, individual interpersonal dynamics in a given couple, what mood a person is in at a given time, how any two people fit together uniquely in given positions, emotional and intellectual comfort with certain things, the works. It's SO diverse and so unique that gender or biological sex alone is never a big enough criteria to make any sort of generalizations about with things like this.

As to how you can be on top, think about it this way: how many ways can you sit on a chair? You can sit upright, with good posture, and with your back towards the back of the chair. Or, you can flip around the other way. You can slouch, you can lean to the left, lean to the right, lean back or lean forward. You can sit with your legs to one side or the other. You can squat on it. Just like you can sit any number of ways on a chair, you can sit any number of ways on a partner: which ways are best are all about how your two bodies uniquely fit best together and what's most comfortable and pleasant for you both.

To find out what "works" for the both of you, you experiment, and you ask questions as you go, a la, "Hey, this feels good: does it feel good to you, too?" he says yes, great. he says "Meh," then you shift a little bit, and ask again. We never should find ourselves feeling utterly clueless during sex, because the information we need not to is right there, with us and the person we're with. Real-life sex isn't like most movie-sex: people talk to each other in real-life who have satisfying sex, during sex, before sex, after sex.

Too, the pleasure of one partner, in a healthy sexual relationship, is pretty interconnected to the pleasure of the other partner. So, while sometimes a given sexual activity or position isn't our favourite ever when it comes to physical sensation, when it is for our partners and they're super-excited, feeling really amazing, we may find that same position to be a favorite because your partner's pleasure is really exciting for us.

Of course, sometimes, no matter what, one given position or activity just isn't going to work for a certain person, on all levels, or may just be really uncomfortable for them: again, they should be giving you input to let you know that, and then that's one you toss in the scrap heap. Given the wide array of sexual activities and positions, that's no big deal.

So, sounds to me like you and your partner need to be doing a bit more communicating: after all, you don't really care about if what you're doing is pleasurable for ALL guys, you care about if it's working for the one guy you're doing it with, right? And lucky for you, that guy is right there for you to ask him: he's going to know better than anyone else what's working for him and what isn't.

Here are a couple extra links you may find handy:

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