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Deviant?

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I'm 18, still in high school - it's kind of like a situation where age is just a number, I still highly consider myself a teenager.

Anyways, to my issue. First off, in order to set the scene, I need to say that I'm very sexually deviant. I think about sex all the time, I've viewed a lot of porn, I masturbate often (I think masturbation is a healthy alternative to going out and recklessly having sex), etc. I can literally think of myself sexually involved with most, if not all, of the attractive women in my life or that I know. Strange thing is, if anything happened, I don't think I'd even be willing to have sex till I'm older or am sure I'm ready.

Well, I like this girl in school. Yet, I think of her as a beautiful person, not a sex object. I have very, very strong feelings for her, more than a girl I would normally ask out. About 3 days ago, I started to have sexual thoughts about her. I don't find that abnormal, but I did have one strange one. All of a sudden I developed an urge to want to lick (perform oral) on her, but not on her vagina...try a little bit higher.

It's strange. I am very sexually deviant and have had some fetish thoughts before, but this case is just different. The thoughts lasted with me for a while. I normally don't think like this, but it's just so strange...for some reason, I find that to be so sexually appealing, and it seemed to come out of nowhere. Obviously, with that came the general thoughts about sex with her - penetration, regular oral, etc. But those have faded, but not the certain one I mentioned earlier. I just wanted some input on this, just to hear someone else's opinion. Thanks!

Heather Corinna replies:

Well, a little bit higher than her vagina is her clitoris: not only is that not a strange idea, it'd be much more likely to result in greater pleasure for her, or any other woman, than licking just the vaginal opening would. :)

But maybe you mean higher than her vulva? Such as, between her hips? Or on her mons?

No matter what, none of that is strange.

You keep saying you're "very deviant," but I also have to tell you that thus far, nothing you're talking about in this question -- thinking about sex often, viewing pornography, masturbating often, wanting to have sex with lots of women, wanting to orally explore ANY body part -- is anything more than pretty darn normative/normal.

Given what we know about how many people do or fantasize about what, we can say, for instance, that bestiality can probably safely be called deviant, or that wanting to roll around naked save a set of tube socks in bird poop for sexual satisfaction is "very deviant." But what you're describing here about yourself is completely typical for your average, western teen guy, and nothing close to a deviation.

It's normal for oral sex to involve more than exploring just one inch, or some small part, of someone's genitals. It's normal to be interested in any given part of someone's body sexually: in fact, it's a far cry healthier to be diverse in that way than to compartmentalize which parts we consider "sexual," considering all the rest to be devoid of sexuality or sensation.

Maybe this girl's just got an exceptionally cool-looking set of hips, or maybe what you have in your head just looks mighty nice the way you're imagining it, so thus, the seemingly strange specific interest. But regardless, none of this is anything to lose any sleep over.

None of this is also any reason to feel you're deviant, unless that's a sexual identity that is something you like to call yourself, just 'cause, and an identity you want to affix to yourself. Really, human sexuality is SO incredibly diverse, that it's always been pretty iffy for anyone to call almost anything deviant, and most of the time, when something has been called or classed that, it has more to do with political or moral agendas than it does with what is and is not sexually common or healthy.

written 15 Jun 2007 . updated 06 Dec 2012

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