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Delayed ejaculation -- what does our future hold?

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Cowgirl922 asks:

My boyfriend has delayed ejaculation. I was wondering what I could do to help and what this means for us as a couple? Also in the future are there ways of me getting pregnant if he still has this?

Lauren replies:

Some men simply take longer and need more stimulation to orgasm. Sometimes they don't orgasm at all, or orgasm dry (don't ejaculate during/after orgasm). All of these variants are OK and very healthy, and will often peak and fall in frequency with natural humps and dips in an individual's libido.

So, what can you do about it? If it's an actual medical problem, which is exceptionally rare in a young man, only a doctor can help. You can help by making sure the pressure is off; orgasms/ejaculation need not be a goal for either men or women during sexual activity. Talk to him about it -- does he feel pressured to perform? Are you engaging in sexual activities which just aren't doing it for him (as vaginal intercourse, for example, often leaves men pleasure to be desired as frequently as women)? If so, what would he like to try? What can you do to help?

If he's perfectly OK with how things are going down and fully satisfied, that removes any need to stress, and a quick attitude adjustment can help you both go back to enjoying yourselves per usual. In fact, the fast-track to solving any sexual bummer is often to put it on the back-burner and focus on the stuff that does feel good and natural -- wonder of wonders, the problem in question often solves itself once the associated stress and mental blocks dissipate!

Further reading:

Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

Sexual Negotiation for the Long Haul

written 11 Dec 2007 . updated 11 Dec 2007

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.