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Can I make myself wetter or tighter?

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SaidoChan asks:

I'm 17 and wondering if there was anyway to make myself wetter down there, or if I could make myself tighter? My boyfriend tends to like sex more when i'm wet and tight. I do feel like im wetter if I drink more water each day (like 2 water bottles while I'm at school) Is it because I'm drinking more fluids, or is it all in my mind?

I get tight and loose randomly but I feel really small when we have sex less often for long periods of time. Like have sex on Monday, and then don't do it again till Saturday. I know the vagina naturally changes shape and becomes looser or tighter. But I want to know if there's anyway to make it tighter. I love having sex with my boyfriend, but I want him to have fun too (I know he does) but I want to make it more enjoyable for both of us. He tends to explode when I'm wet and tight, and we both enjoy that. Thankies to you if you can help.

Heather Corinna replies:

Here's the thing: when a woman is sexually aroused, in general, her vagina self-lubricates (becomes more wet), her clitoris and parts of the vulva become more erect, and the vaginal opening and vaginal canal relax and expand (become looser).

So, to ask to be wet AND "tight" is a bit of a misnomer, because vaginal tightness generally is something that happens when a woman is not aroused, or not aroused enough, which is obviously not when you want to be having intercourse or any other kind of sex.

Too, though, the vagina is a muscle, and it's a strong muscle at that. Like any other muscle, it's one you can tense or relax, and one you have some control over. Know how when you're done urinating, you squeeze out those last few drops of urine sometimes? When you do that, you're using genital muscles that also create a tightening of the vaginal canal and opening, and you can squeeze just like that during any kind of sex, alone or with a partner. Often, during sex, we do that without even thinking about it, but you can do it intentionally, too. If you're always aroused, relaxed and intercourse is always feeling good to you when you're having it, then it's likely that those times you feel most "tight" for your partner are the times you're most aroused and active, really flexing those muscles (as well as during the times his erection is at its largest).

Understand that the vagina doesn't change shape in any sort of permanent way: again, when we are aroused, it loosens and expands, and when we are not, it is tighter and more constricted. That feeling of being "smaller" when you have sex less often is an illusion, especially since there aren't even any substantial nerve endings in most of your vagina for you to personally feel any difference with. If you use tampons, then you know that you can't feel a tampon when it's in right: same goes here -- you can't feel the inside of your vagina at any given time to know what it's deal is.

Per your self-lubrication, being hydrated will make something of a difference, but not a huge one. During some parts of your fertility cycle, your cervical mucus and vaginal discharges are more fluid no matter what, and again, how wet you are vaginally has more to do with how turned on you are than how much extra water you're drinking. Drinking plenty of water is certainly only of benefit to your overall health, though, so it's certainly not harmful to drink as much water as you'd like. It should also be pointed out that if you're using condoms, when the male partner puts a couple drops of extra lubricant inside the condom, and then you slather the outside of it generously, you get a wetter feeling (as well as helping keep condoms from breaking). If you're not using condoms because you're using a hormonal method of birth control, like the pill, know that most hormonal methods work in part by thickening discharges, so it's often extra important to be using a lube from a bottle with genital sex.

If you want things more slippery than they already are, and you're already fully aroused, that's what good sexual lubricants are for -- there's just no need to go nuts to try and make your body do things it isn't doing naturally when it's so easy -- and so pleasant! -- to use great lubes now that we have them so available. If you ask most sex educators -- and hey, we do tend to have pretty awesome sex lives ourselves -- what one of the greatest inventions in history is, we'll pretty much all shout "Lube!" immediately. :)

I do want to talk with you a bit about your expectations. For instance, it's not realistic to expect anyone to have their body be the same way every day, to be as sexually excited one day as they are the next, or to have the best orgasms ever all the time. Like anything else that has to do with our minds and our bodies, our sexual experiences often vary because neither or minds or bodies are static. In other words, on any given day, our moods differ, our general health differs, how rested or stressed we are varies, and too, especially for women, our bodies will also vary based on our fertility cycles.

As well, and as you hopefully already know, there is a LOT more to sex than intercourse, and trying to make intercourse fill the whole bill isn't often realistic or ideal. On those days when your boyfriend really wants to experience a very tight feeling, for instance, your (or his) hand or your mouth can often provide that better than the vagina can -- for men and women both, vaginal intercourse is often a more general kind of sensation than a more targeted, specific sensation which we might experience with other kinds of sex. So, rather than trying to change your body and its natural fluctuations in some way, you'd both be better served to simply mix things up now and then, depending on both of your preferences that day.

Lastly, do be sure and keep the lines of communication open with you and your partner. Talk about what you're both enjoying: you shouldn't need to guess or presume. And unless you or a partner are dissatisfied -- in which case you need to talk about it and experiment with what you're both doing -- there's just no need to obsess on any of this stuff. If intercourse as it is isn't really doing it for one or both of you, it's more sound to talk about why, and start looking to working in other activities with or instead of intercourse, or experiment with positions, than it is to glug gallons of water to get more wet (especially since that's mostly about you simply getting excited), or to try and make your body do the opposite of what it wants (and needs) to do for your pleasure when you're aroused per vaginal "tightness."

Here are a few articles and related advice questions which should round this all out nicely for you:

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