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Can I give her an abortion with tablets?

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Ahmed asks:

I have a urgent question that I had sex with my girl friend two months ago and now she has become pregnant and I don't want this pregnancy to be delivered and even don't want to abortion by incision. My doctor advised me to use CYTOTEC tablets of Pfizer, that it will sloughs off the pregnancy. I am not sure,please tell me is it right to use it? Does it work. It's urgent.

Heather Corinna replies:

Yo, buddy: it's not up to you if your girlfriend sustains her pregnancy or not.

It's up to her and her only. You also don't get to decide for her how she terminates her pregnancy, if that is, in fact, what she wants to do.

As well, no doctor can give a man the medications needed for a medical (abortion via mifepristone tablets) abortion. Well, he can, but it's beyond unethical, usually unlawful, and not something either of you should be conspiring about together without the woman who is actually pregnant present. If your girlfriend wants a medical abortion (FYI, a surgical abortion involves no incisions), it is she who needs to see a provider so that she can make that choice, she can get the care and instructions she needs, and she can arrange the needed follow-up, since medical abortion is not as effective as surgical, so she may still need a surgical procedure later.

As well, medical abortion is only intended to be used -- and may only work for -- for pregnancies of 8 weeks or shorter. Your girlfriend may already be outside the window for a medical abortion at this point, so again she needs to talk to an abortion provider if that is what she wants to do, not you. And in order to be okayed for a medical abortion, and for a doctor to determine if it is safe and effective for her, she'll need an ultrasound done to see how far along she is.

For future reference? You get to make your reproductive choice, as a male, at the time intercourse may occur. If you absolutely, positively do not want the possibility of having a child you helped make come into the world, then the best choice you can make is not to have intercourse. If you choose to do that, you can be sure to use condoms properly, every time: they aren't foolproof, and sometimes do fail, but that is -- sparing vasectomy -- the one thing you can do, as a guy, to prevent pregnancy if you're going to have intercourse. But condom or no, if you have vaginal intercourse with a woman, if a pregnancy occurs because of it, the choice about what to do is out of your hands.

If you can't deal with that, then don't have sex that can result in pregnancy. It really is that simple.

Here are a few links for you on these issues:

written 30 Dec 2007 . updated 24 Jan 2014

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