Bored in the Bedroom
Stephanie replies:I’ve been with the same partner for a few months. He is getting tired of doing the same old missionary position, as am I. He wants me to be on top, but I’m afraid he's not going to like it and I’m not going to be doing the right thing. Plus I’m super shy when it comes to things in the bedroom and am unsure of what to do. So help me, what do I do?
While it would be nice sometimes to have a fact sheet that listed everything every person enjoyed with sex – after a while it would become boring to have all the answers and the fun of discovery with partners would no longer be present.
That said, I can’t tell you what position would be best for you and your partner to have any type of sex in, how fast or your partner would want you to move, or even exactly how to have sex in any one position. I can tell you, however, that one of the most important things to remember is that there is really no “right” way to have sex.
From your question, I can see that it’s not only your boyfriend that is interesting in trying a different position, but you as well. That’s a good place to start, expressing interest in something to your partner. So what’s the next key to the door? Communication. You want to begin setting those boundaries and talking about what you are and are not comfortable with, what you feel you might like to do differently or to try next (he’s expressed interest in something, is there something else you’d like to do first that may make you more comfortable with his suggestion-or are you not interested in trying that at all right now or ever), and especially how you’re feeling on his suggestion as per being nervous.
It’s also going to help going into the conversation if you’ve spent some time really thinking and assessing your own feelings. For instance, you’re stating that you’re shy when it comes to sex – have you really spent some time thinking on where that’s stemming from? It’s possible that’s coming a lot from your expressed nervousness on being able to do the “right” thing, so let’s touch on that a bit shall we? People are very different, and because of that the likes and dislikes of one person are different that that from another. One woman may only enjoy intercourse and may not enjoy any direct clitoral stimulation, another woman may like intercourse only if her partner is also using clitoral stimulation, and a third woman may not like intercourse at all.
Knowing this – how is someone supposed to know whether or not a partner likes something? Well this jumps us right back to communication. Communication isn’t just part of a healthy sexual relationship before sex occurs or after sex occurs. When you’re trying something new, you want to make sure that you can comfortably address your partner with what feels good and doesn’t feel good, as well as your partner being open with you about the same.
Where you said you’re worried about him liking what you’re doing – your best indication of this is going to be this open line of communication. When a partner does something we like, it’s perfectly okay to scream out “YES! Do more of that!” In the same thought, when a partner does something that doesn’t feel as good or is in general just something we don’t care for, it’s perfectly okay to say, “Hey, let’s try something else.”
Like I said above, one of the great things about sex with any partner is in discovering what they like and don’t like, what you like and don’t like, and how things are unique between the two of you. I’ve added a few articles for you here at the bottom that might help you along the way as well.