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Blow jobs, positions, and porn...oh my!

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anonymous asks:

Hey. I have a question I want to be answered if you can! Well, I'm most likely going to get my first blow job sometime soon. I wanted to know when I ejaculate, should I tell the girl or should I just do it while she's giving me it, or what should I do? Watching porn doesn't answer my questions. And when having sex, what is the normal position in which most people start, so I don't embarrass myself. Thanks a lot!

Sarah replies:

As I'm sure you've discovered, porn rarely answers one's questions about sex in a very thorough fashion. A big part of that is probably because porn is fiction and fantasy portrayed in a way that will (supposedly) appeal to the audience. In real life, people don't have the (dubious) "benefit" of perfect lighting, pre-written dialogue, and third party on-site direction. And really, thank goodness, because that would be really weird! So it's a wise idea to disregard porn pretty much entirely as a place to get reliable information about sex.

The really crucial thing about having any kind of sex (oral, manual, intercourse, whatever!), is that you've got to communicate with your partner. If you're worried about what to do when you ejaculate, you should ask her if she has a preference. As you're engaging in any activity, you will want to ask your partner about their comfort and let them know what feels best for you. Further, in terms of the concern about ejaculation, it probably won't matter THAT much where you ejaculate if you are using a condom (which you definitely should be) since it will catch and contain everything. Remember that oral sex also had STI transmission risks for both individuals involved, so the safest thing to do is use a condom to protect both you and her!

In terms of your other question, there's not really a "normal position" that everybody uses when they start having any type of sex. It really depends upon what is most comfortable for the people involved. Again, it is really important to talk to your partner about what is going work best for both of you. If you try a position and it's not good for either or both of you, there's no reason that you can't shift to something that is more comfortable! There's nothing to be embarrassed about, because again real life sexual activity rarely plays out the way porn does. Sometimes things aren't lined up right, or they make funny noises, or someone's hair gets pulled. It happens, but it's no big deal. If you feel that worried or freaked out about it or if you are with someone who makes you embarrassed about those weird occurrences during sex, then that's a really good sign that this isn't the time to be sexually active with that person (or possibly at all).

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written 18 Aug 2007 . updated 28 Jan 2014

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