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Blood and mucus from anal sex/Forcing ejaculation

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Anonymous asks:

I'm 16, ive been dating this guy for almost 7 months and we're sexually active. I'm pretty educated about sex I would say, but no one knows everything so here it goes.

1.) Sooo, we tried anal sex, and about 5 hours after this occured I had "anal seepage" mucus, with some spotting of blood. I'm guessing this is normal, very icky but normal, but what I wanted to know is will this keep occurring? Because I'm not so sure I want to continue doing this form of sex if this is going to continue.

2.) We have a curfew so sometimes, when we want to do something, and I casually mention we don't have time, he will say "it's ok I'll force it" mainly when I perform oral sex, my question is, how is this possible? When you ejaculate its natural, I mean I know you can hold it in to prolong your sexual experience, but forcing it? I'M SO CONFUSED PLEASE HELP!!! SERIOUSLY!

Heather Corinna replies:

Okie dokie.

1) It's actually not normal to have bleeding with any kind of anal sex IF you're doing it right. That means using a CONDOM -- even if you're on birth control, and even if you have BOTH had at least TWO full and negative STI screenings, and six months of monogamous sex using condoms, and having all that in place with both partners at 16 is pretty unusual -- and using LOT of latex-safe lubricant and being VERY gradual with anal play. In fact, if you went right from nothing to anal sex with a penis -- rather than by starting with one small finger to see how it felt, working up gradually, and only if you enjoyed it -- that's too quick for most people, and it's not surprising you had some bleeding.

Anal tissue is very delicate stuff, and unlike the vagina, it doesn't produce its own lubrication, so it's easy to injure, which is why anal sex as a "less risky" option to vaginal intercourse, or as something for young partners to do who aren't so patient, are in any kind of hurry, and aren't good at sexual communication isn't so smart.

Please remember too that as far as STIs and bacterial infections go, anal sex is very risky. When you add blood to the picture, health risks are also seriously increased. So, if some of that seepage was due to his semen, because you had it unprotected, please think again if you're going to continue with anal sex and do it safely, with a condom, every single time.

Having some fecal matter, on the other hand, is pretty normal. Fecal matter passes through your rectum and anus, and so sometimes there will be trace amounts of it lining the sides of the rectum, that may appear during or after anal sex.

2) You know, I'm confused, too, but I could clear up my confusion in two seconds by just asking your boyfriend what he means when he's saying that. Alas, I can't do that, but YOU sure can, with a simple, "I don't get what you mean by that -- what do you mean forcing it?" I'm betting he just means he's going to make an effort to reach orgasm quickly, just like he could also try and hold back to lengthen the time it takes him to reach orgasm. There's no big deal with either -- it's really just about letting yourself go there mentally and not trying to hold back.

There's no reason we shouldn't be able to ask partners what they mean when we're talking about sex: being able to communicate openly and be sure we're on the same page is important.

But I'm also wanting to make sure, too, that when you say you've got no time, you're not feeling like you're obligated to get your partner off, regardless, because you're not. I hope he doesn't think so, either.

He's got his own two hands to get off with when there isn't time for partnered sex, just like you do, and it's also really important that sex between people is mutually beneficial. So, if when these times happen, it's all about rushing to get HIM off, only, and never about you, too (unless giving him oral sex is completely satisfying for you, too), that's something you're going to want to talk about, because that's a pretty crummy dynamic.

written 08 Jul 2007 . updated 19 Jan 2014

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