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Best place to ejaculate?

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help asks:

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a few months and are thinking of having sex, but we both know it's going to be a while still because we're both too young.

But when the time comes I was wondering, if I want to withdraw before I orgasm, where should I ejaculate, that is if I'm not wearing a condom, which I'll probably be wearing anyways! But like I said if not where would be the best place? I know that in porn movies it's always on the face but I think that would be weird?

Heather Corinna replies:

First up, let's make that "probably" with condom use an "absolutely," okay? Starting your life with sexual partnership as safely as you can for everyone involved is one of the best things you can do to start off on the right foot, and being mindful of everyone's health and safety should be a given, not a maybe.

It's not sound to base what you want to do or think is normal in partnered sex on porn. Porn is sexual entertainment and fantasy, not reality, and on top of that, is entertainment and fantasy made in whatever way is most likely to make money for porn companies, not what is most likely to satisfy everyone during partnered sex. And right now, the prevalance of "facials" in most porn is pretty much just about making it seem sexy to humiliate women, even if for some people who engage in that in real life don't do it for that reason.

Now, in your life, you may find that you wind up with a partner at some point who IS interested in having her face ejaculated on and doesn't think it's weird (or does, but likes that it seems weird). Maybe it will also be appealing to you: maybe it won't. But what you do in partnered sex is all about what feels right and compelling to you and your partner, combined, not to someone else or by some other standard. So, if any given thing seems weird and unappealing to you, then you just don't do that thing.

If, during partnered sex, you want to ejaculate somewhere other than your condom, like anything else, where you do that is mostly about what you and your partner like. It does stand to mention though that ejaculating in someone's face can be dangerous, because sexually transmitted infections can be transmitted through the eyes (ouch!), and on top of that, semen in the eyes is mighty painful. You'll also want to be sure not to ejaculate on or near your partner's genitals unprotected, to prevent pregnancy and STIs (sexually transmitted infections). And you may simply want this to be one of the things you talk about with your partner in your communication about sex, by asking HER if she's got preferences in this arena, talking about yours, and working it out together.

All in all, though, it can be easy to overthink this stuff when it's not happening yet, and to feel like you have to have a script planned in advance for every little detail like this. You don't: so long as the two of you are being safe, talking about this stuff a lot, and paying attention to one another's consent, likes and dislikes, with things like this, you really can go with the flow more than you're envisioning and figure them out as you go.

written 13 Jun 2007 . updated 06 Dec 2012

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